Just Keep Swimming

 

I'm sure you are all familiar with Dorie...

 

 

and her wonderful advice to just keep swimming through the tough currents of life.  Lately, I have really heeded her advice.  Life has been crazy since we returned from Africa.  Although our family has changed, life has not.  There is still everything we had before...but now we have 2 more children with their challenges....and more doctor's appointments, and speech, and occupational therapy.

Last week, there was just too much.  Everyday, I had an appointment...doctor for Malachi, doctor for Noah, speech for Malachi, etc....  Then, there was the reason for the appointments....INFECTIONS!  Medicine needed to be dealt out morning and evening for 10 days, 14 days, and 4 weeks.  At work, I was elected to take the new student with many "challenges".  SERIOUSLY!!!

Yesterday I read this in a blog I follow...

the pressure to be good enough, to be holy enough, to be quiet enough, or wise enough or all the “enough’s” that fill our head and make us neurotic about who we are and how we should live.

The “enough’s” make me tired.  And I think they make a lot of us are real tired, because in all the enough’s we begin to lose ourselves in order to be something else…something better…something expected…so far from who we really are that when we fall apart, we just give up.

We stop trying. We think, “why bother, I will never change.”
And the lie sinks deep and we believe it for so long, and man it hurts.

But here comes the upside, the so unbelievably bright side: when you are just done, and broken, and tired, you’ve made it.
You are now about to experience the most profound, amazing, life-altering, freedom and grace that will set you so free you are going to fly.

When you are broken enough and tired enough and angry enough that you just can’t mold yourself, fix yourself, do better, be better, when you are just done, grace is lavished on you like nothing you’ve ever experienced.

The world opens up and humility surrounds you and compassion overtakes you because you realize that life is just so hard and “everyone is facing a hard battle”, and instead of trying to be kind, you just become kind.

And you become grace to others.
And when you realize how much you can’t change yourself, you can see others as broken beautiful ones as well who are just trying to make it through this hard life, and you just want to love them and nod your head at them and say, “I know, I know. And I love you just the same.”

Funny, what happens when you stop trying so hard to become what you already are in Christ; you begin to exhibit the things you were trying so hard to do. I’ll tell you why: it’s because you really get love, and you really get loving God and loving others, and you so deeply get grace. When the Law of loving slays you good, you can do nothing but love.

You still make messes and wound hearts and say stupid things, but you never stop loving and extending grace, because it’s all over you now.


At first, when I read this I began to feel guilty...oh my goodness, I need to try and be more humble, gracious, kind, and compassionate.  How am I going to do that?  Is there a book to read...cliff notes maybe  (does anybody use those anymore)?  Then, slowly, it began to dawn on me...I need to give up...I need to realize that I will never be good enough in and of myself...I need to let God take over and accept His humility, grace, kindness, and compassion

I am truly hoping that this "hot mess"  (who is struggling to raise 5 kids, be an effective teacher in an ever changing educational system, be a good wife and daughter and friend) is learning to extend humility, compassion, kindness, and grace.  Because, the Lord knows, that I need everyone to extend humility, compassion, kindness, and grace to me as I just "keep swimming".

A Day Late...

Yesterday, we celebrated Malachi's second birthday!

 Malachi's referral picture....

A smile...we worked so hard to get these :)

SECOND BIRTHDAY

January 17, 2013

His birthday party didn't really go as planned...or at least how I had planned.  I imagined it would be perfect, with smiles, laughter, and peace.  I mean after all the waiting we were finally a family!  After missing his first birthday, we finally were going to get to celebrate HIM!  Apparently, Malachi did not get the memo...he was fussy, only wanted me to hold and carry him, cried when we sang "Happy Birthday", tried to touch the candle, and refused to eat any cake.  The whole evening, I was so stressed!

But, you know what, God is teaching me (and I am learning very slowly:) that it's not about me....we are a family, we love each other, Malachi has bonded with me, Malachi is safe and loved, and, finally, he has a family that loves him and will have a party, make a cake, and sing "Happy Birthday" to him while he screams.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, to my son, Malachi...a day late!

Happy Birthday, Isaac!

One year ago, across a large ocean on another continent, a little baby boy was born.  Here, at the Siegrist household, we had no idea.  We went about our normal business...church, Noah's basketball game, and I am sure a little football!  However, God knew that our lives would forever be changed.  I am so glad that God lead us to be a family with 5 children.  I feel blessed that He gave us Isaac...which means laughter!  Here are some of my favorite pictures of Isaac....

 Our referral picture...March 2012

First Steps...December 2012

The joys of having sisters...who love to dress you up :)

FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!!

January 15, 2013

Two Different Worlds

The holidays came and went this year with a flurry of activity.  We saw family and friends.  We ate wonderful food...too much food!  The presents were abundant.  I enjoyed every minute of being with my kids, visiting family, eating good food, and opening presents. 

However, several different times on the radio, I heard this song " Do They Know Its Christmas Time?".  This year, it meant something totally different to me...this year it struck a chord! The lyrics are as follows...

It's Christmas time
No need to be afraid
At Christmas time, we let in light
And we banish shade
In a world of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world
At Christmas time
If I could say a prayer
And pray for the other ones
At Christmas time, it's hard
But when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing
Is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well, tonight thank God it's them
Instead of you
And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
When nothing ever grows, no rain or rivers flow
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

Here's to you - raise a glass for everyone
Here's to them, underneath that burning sun
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

As I listened, I would remember the poverty.  I would remember the orphans faces....looking for love or even a smile and a hug.  I would remember how desperate the situation seemed.  Then...

I would go on...

to my life of plenty, ease, comfort...and forget the pain, sadness, desperation, and need.
I struggle with how to combine my passion for orphans, my desire to make the world better for the fatherless with my materialistic, American life. 

Brian asked me a question yesterday, that really made me think.  He was taking Noah and Malachi to the store and I was trying to get them in clothes and shoes that were not just clean but matched and looked semi in style.  He asked, "How can you care so much about orphans and the impoverished and still care about what shoes the boys are going to wear to the store?"  I tried to offer an explanation, but it sounded lame even to my ears.  The truth is...I don't know how to mix these two worlds.  I know God is calling me to more...I am just unsure of how or what or when this "more" is going to occur.