Letting Go!

About a month ago, a friend sent me some Christmas advice...try to let go and truly enjoy the holiday season!  Now, those of you that know me know that "letting go", "going with the flow", etc. are not ways you would describe me.  More relevant descriptors are "uptight", "not flexible", and "anal".

Well, I got a chance to practice this a little over a week ago....let me start at the beginning of this ridiculous story.  Two years ago, Brian made a deal with the kids...if we cut down a tree off our land, then we could go out for dinner to a restaurant.  Now, let me tell you, we do not have beautiful blue spruce pines or even white pines on our land.  No, what we have are ugly, straggly cedar trees.
So, two Saturdays ago, Noah and Malachi went out to find our tree (first mistake).  Brian promised Noah he would cut down whatever tree he picked (second mistake).  Well, Noah located 5 trees he thought would work but he needed a little help narrowing it down.  Out went Anna to help with the final decision (third mistake)  So, they come in triumphant...they found the perfect tree!

 

 

 

A few minutes later, I am called out to look at the tree.  It is 16 feet tall...we have 9 foot ceilings.  It is ugly, straggly, and hideous...but Noah is so proud.  So, Brian cuts it in half and brings it in.  We have a Christmas tree!

Even after the decorations are hung, the tree is still hideous.  There are huge holes where there are no branches.  However, with the decorations, Chloe decides it is a beautiful tree (She, like me, was not impressed with the tree at first).  As I stood back and looked at it, I decided that it might be ugly but my kids will never forget that they went out and searched for the tree, we decorated it with the fragile glass ornaments, and it was in many ways the "perfect" tree.

 

 

Compassion or Sympathy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLV9szEu9Ag&feature=share

Unless your compassion compels you to move, its really not compassion, its sympathy. And there is a huge difference between compassion and sympathy.

Proverbs 24:12  "If you say, "Surely we did not know this," Does not He who weights the hearts consider it?  He who keeps your soul, does He not know it?  And will He not render to each man according to his deeds?"

The Other Side of the Table

Tables...they can bring us together.


Tables...they can separate us.  I was thinking about this as I sat down with four professionals to discuss Malachi's eligibility for Early Intervention services.  They were on one side...they were the ones with the professional evaluations....they were the ones who would decide if my little boy was delayed enough to "qualify" for services.  I was one the other side.  I was the mother....I had no professional evaluations...I had no power to decide if Malachi qualifies...I was just there to listen, fight for my child, and hope for the best.

Malachi did qualify.  He is significantly delayed in speech.  He is also slightly delayed in gross motor skills.  "Too much time in a crib.  Not enough stimulation in his first year of life.  Not enough verbal communication.  Not enough experiences.  Not sure if in a year in a half we can overcome a year and a half of deficits.  There is really no way to make up for the losses that are experienced in that first year of life."  I listened and I thought about all the children in the orphanages around the world that will never get  a chance to have a "forever family".  Children that will never get to have early intervention services because they will live out their lives in an orphanage.

As I listened throughout the meeting, I felt confident.  I believe with some work on his ears and some intervention services, my little boy will make great progress.  I mean I have seen where we have come from in just 2 short months...he smiles and laughs now, he will get off my lap and play when someone visits, he gives kisses, he takes your hand and leads you to what he wants, he will walk without your hand around the house and outside in the yard, he loves to gather eggs from the chickens, he dances, he know where his shoes are located....

 

Do we have work to do?  Oh, yes...a lot.  However, looking back at where we have come from gives me great hope as to where we will go!!!

Storms

This week our area suffered the effects of Hurricane Sandy.  At our home, we experienced about 4+ inches of rain and some strong winds...and 2 days without school!  Except for a tree that fell on my garden fence and raised beds, we suffered no damage. 

New Jersey and New York suffered the greatest damage.  While watching a TV program about Hurricane Sandy, there were several interviews with families that refused to leave their homes despite the impending hurricane.  As I watched these people explain why they were not leaving, I was disgusted by their behavior.  I mean seriously...LEAVE! THERE IS A HURRICANE COMING!!  Why would you stay in your house, no matter how comfortable, when a huge storm is going to hit your house?  After the storm, everyone of those families said if put in the situation again, they would leave. 

Later, as I was thinking this over, God pressed this upon my heart.  How many times do I stay in my "comfortable place" even when I see an inevitable storm brewing?  How often do I refuse to leave my comforts and go to safety with my Lord?  The answer...far too often.  Unfortunately, I love my "comforts".  Too often, I am willing to withstand a storm (or some sin) in order to remain where I am comfortable.  How different my life would be if I would learn to cling to God instead of my comfortable life?  How different would my life be if I would leave the material things and go to a higher safer place?  I really don't want to look back after the "this storm called life" and say I wish I had left my comforts, my material things...

Our First Kiss

Remember what it was like to wait for your "love" to kiss you for the first time.  Well, for 7 weeks, I have been waiting for my first kiss from Malachi.  (Isaac is full of kisses and you need to be careful because his kisses often involve teeth :)  About 2 weeks ago, I started to get impatient and so I began to "teach" Malachi to kiss.  I would take his face in my hands, say kiss, and then kiss him.  Still, I waited.  I begin to worry...does he have attachment issues, does he not know how to show affection and love, does he just not love me??? 

Yesterday, I was in a meeting, Malachi crawled onto my lap, opened his mouth, and leaned in and kissed me.  My eyes filled with tears (I am sure the lady I was meeting with thought I was nuts)!  Finally, he kissed me!  It was a big step for us!

21 Days Makes a Habit, Right?

Well, today, we have been home from the DR Congo for 3 weeks....21 days. I have heard it said "It takes 21 days to form a habit".   I wonder if our family is a habit yet?  To me, it still seems new...there are still some quirks that need worked out.  Mostly, I wonder if it is habit for Malachi and Isaac?  Do they know that each morning I will be there to get them out of their cribs?  Do they count on Brian or I tucking them into bed each night?  Do they feel safe and secure in our home...in our arms. 

I do have to admit, I have been amazed and in awe of how seamlessly the transition has gone this far.  I know all the credit goes to God for smoothing the way.   Due to the fact that everything was going well, we even ventured out with the little boys this weekend.  We took them to Noah's football game and church.  I was overwhelmed by the love we felt from those in the community and at church.  These two little boys have been waited for, anticipated, and prayed for....  It is amazing to me how God is using these two precious gifts to show His faithfulness!

Here are some pictures of our "adventures" over the past three weeks.

  

Hands

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about hands.  Mainly, because whenever you want to take Malachi somewhere, he wants to hold your hand...tightly.  Going into the next room...he is holding your hand.   Walking down the steps...he is holding your hand.  Outside taking a stroll...he is holding your hand.  If you let go of his hand, he just stops and waits for you to extend your hand.  Then, he grabs a hold and starts walking again. 

Today, we were walking down to the garden and, of course, Malachi reached for my hand.  As I reached out to take his, one of my favorite Bible verses sprang to mind.  Isaiah 41:10, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Just like Malachi, I like to know that God is holding my hand....leading me through the scary times, unknown times, and good times.  Once again, I was amazed at how God uses my children to teach me about Him!

We Are Home

On Tuesday, September 11th at 11:00 a.m., we started the process of checking our bags and getting our boarding passes for our 9:05 flight.  At 6:50 p.m., we were in the "back office" of Air France being told to wait one hour and then the head guy would deal with our lack of boarding passes...more specifically Isaac, Malachi, and my boarding pass.  I was crying because I thought we would not get to leave that night.  Our attorney kept saying "It is no problem.  You will fly tonight.  Believe it in your heart."  Let me just tell you...when you are standing in an airport where you don't speak the language being told to wait until one hour before the flight to even be "dealt with", it is hard to believe in your heart that you are going home.  However, shortly after 8:00 p.m., we were given our boarding passes and proceeded through security and into the one room airport to wait for our plane.  The plane ended up leaving at 11:45 p.m...and we were on it!!!

The first 8 hour flight from Kinshasa to Paris was without problems...both the boys slept the entire time.  The second 8 hour flight from Paris to Dulles....not so much!  Malachi screamed the majority of the way.  Brian walked the aisles for most the flight!  Needless to say, we were ecstatic to put our feet on US soil...33 hours after we first started checking our bags. 

Noah, Anna, and Chloe were so excited to play with their brothers.  Isaac is like a real live doll for them.  Malachi is a little "ball buddy" for Noah.  The transition went well the first night...time well tell how tomorrow goes...

 

Isaiah 43:4, "Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east"

Eating, Sleeping, Oh My

We have spent the last two days trying to figure out or create an eating and sleeping schedule.  I am happy to say that I think we almost have one figured out for Isaac.  Malachi on the other hand is a bit of a challenge.  He sleeps well at night....once you get him to bed. The past two nights it has taken over an hour of walking, rocking, switching from Brian to me, screaming, more walking, reading, and rocking.  It is heartbreaking!   I am sure the neighbors think we are hurting him.  Nap time is pretty much nonexistent....unless he happens to fall asleep while you are walking him.  We are praying that as he becomes more comfortable with us nap and bedtime will go much easier.

 

To top of the challenge of bedtime, Malachi was sick today.   He woke up lethargic, sweaty,  and barely ate throughout the day....coupled with two bouts of diarrhea. Fun times!  Anyways, we are praying for him to feel better so the plane ride home is as painless as possible.

Out and About

Today we got out of the compound and away from the security that this hotel, surrounded by cement walls and coiled barbed wire, provides.  Our first stop was Malachi and Isaac's foster home....where they have lived since we agreed to adopt them in March.  It was a nice home by Congolese standards....there were several rooms, concrete floors and walls, and some pieces of furniture.  Their foster mother and her two daughters were home and they kissed on the boys and spoke Lingala to them.  Isaac was all smiles but Malachi would not let go of Brian.  He is very cautious and it makes me wonder what he has endured in his short 19 months.

From there we took some shady and extremely dangerous drives to visit the two orphanages where the boys lived.  Some sights we saw and experiences we had on the way...two gunned security guards removing a van driver, large pot holes that decorated every street,  market day and the Congolese version of rush hour with cars deadlocked in every direction, unlined dirt roads, cuttting up on a dirt sidewalk to avoid traffic, having to give the security guard money in order to drive on the street, and that is just the beginning...

Then we arrived at Isaac's orphanage.  We entered through blue gates and as we entered children ran from all over to a central room.  They greeted us and sang for us.  It was adorable except that it was heartbreaking...they were giving us a show admist the dirt, lack of space and toys, and barrier of communication.  Brian counted 70 children in the  room with young girls holding the infants.  We brought some toys but I am unsure if the children will ever get to play with them.   My stomach was in knots and I thought I was going to start crying. This is where my smiley baby boy lived for the first month of his life.   This was nothing compared to what I would see at Malachi's orphanage.  We arrived there and saw a church first with someone singing beautifully inside.  Oh, this is going to be better I thought.   We walked around back and there were older boys, dirty with tattered clothes and no shoes, playing with an empty bottle, some bottles caps, and a board.  When I waved at them, they would come up and greet me...big smiles, looking for love.  Then, they asked if we wanted to see where Malachi stayed while he was there.  We walked through their dining room lined with tables and plastic chairs.  A lone plate sat on the table and I opened it up to see green mash inside.  My stomach churned.  Then, we saw the bedrooms.  The babies sleep on thin foam matters on the bottom of bunk beds.   The older boys sleep on wooden slats laid across bunk bed frames.  There were no toys, no matresses for the older boys, no bright paint, dirty cement floors....it was horrible I was going to cry or be sick I didn't know which one.  I walked outside and walked off by myself....there on the bushes laid some thin green mattress covered with flies.  I gagged.  Now, I am beginning to understand why Malachi is cautious and reserved.

I'm not sure what to do with what I saw today!  I'm laying here in bed unable to sleep.  I pray that someone will do something..someone will love those children and show them family.   The problem seems so big and I am so small!  So for tonight, I will snuggle with Isaac and rock Malachi to sleep and leave the rest up to my Heavenly Father who knows each orphan by name!

No Naps

Today was a bit more challenging...no naps for Malachi and only 2 short 30 minutes naps for Isaac.  In addition, Malachi has taken to Brian very well...great in terms of bonding....terrible because he will not let me hold him.  Isaac is the same way but his parent of choice is me!  So, it was an interesting day.  Bedtime also was a bit challenging...Malachi threw quite a fit for Brian.  We had to end up walking him until he fell asleep.

Despite this, we had some great moments....Malachi was laughing today like crazy.  This is very exciting because in all the pictures we saw before coming he never even cracked a smile.  Isaac is crawling all around and pulling up.  He has the cutest dimples!

I heard there were some problems viewing our pictures yesterday so hopefully these will show up

Meeting the Little Boys

 

Today, after 1 1/2 years of waiting, we finally got to hold our little boys. They arrived at 10:00 am just like promised.  They were brought to us by their foster mother, Marie Claire, and her son.   It was very difficult to speak with them as they only spoke French and Lingala.  However, with some exaggerated hand motions and some props, we were able to learn some information about their eating and sleeping habits.  

The boys went to us without much hoopla.  However, they were a bit cautious at first!  I mean we look totally different than the common person around here.  By lunch, they had warmed up well and by dinner they had picked their favorite parent...Malachi picked Brian and Isaac picked me.  

 

The remainder of the day we took walks around our guest house compound, ate dinner at a restaurant, and gave baths.  

Enjoy the pictures...

 

 

 

Flying, flying, and more flying

We finally arrived in Africa!  We left at 4:30 pm on Monday and arrived at 6:30 pm today.  In over 40 hours from start to finish, we have gotten 3 hours of interrupted sleep.  We collectively watched some many in flight movies that we won't need to watch TV for quite some time.   Thank the Lord the flights went smoothly except for the run way delays on the flight from Paris to Africa.
Upon arrival, everything went very smooth.  In fact, at customs there was an official waiting for us (and asked for us by name) who helped us through the line and got us to baggage claim.  The airport is 2 rooms...no air conditioning and it was hot and crowded!
We were then taken to a small SUV which they thought would fit 7 people and all our luggage.  They quickly figured out that was not going to work.  So, another car was flagged down.  As we started driving, I was stunned by the poor condition of the roads (mostly dirt) and the sheer amount of people everywhere.  The ride proved to be an experience to say the least!
Due to the fact, that it was dark when we arrived at the hotel, our boys will arrive with their foster mom tomorrow morning.  So for now, I will crawl in my mosquito net and get some sleep.  Tomorrow I get to meet my boys...the day I have waited for!

Hallucinations, Diarrhea, and Fairy Tales

We are 3 days from taking a 17+ hour flight to Africa to pick up our boys.  We are vaccinated, medicated for malaria, and filled with anxiety.  Despite the ominous warnings, we have started our malaria medicine.  Apparently, normal side effects are diarrhea, hallucinations, and heightened feelings of sadness/fear/anxiety.  Sounds fun, huh?

But, even more troubling is something Brian said the other night.  He stated, "Please pray for us...the fairy tale is about to end."  Since he said that, I have been thinking about how this is so true.  For over a year and half, we have prayed for, planned for, and talked about bringing our boys home.  Now, in just a few short days, they will be home.  How will our lives change?  Will the transition go smoothly?  It is one of those moments when you are standing on the precipice of a huge life change and you really have no idea how the next few steps are going to go.  So, for now, I am looking at the faces of my boys and trusting in God's goodness...and hanging on for the ride!!!

Isaac
 

Malachi