I remember the scene vividly....
It was about a month after we arrived home with the boys. My mother and father in law, my sister in law, and two of her children had come down to meet the boys. They were now getting ready to leave. It was Monday morning. Brian was at work. Malachi and I were sitting on the white recliner in my family room. He was screaming. The weekend had been too overwhelming for him. The other 6 children were running around. And, I was READY.TO.CRY. I felt like things were getting worse. I felt like Malachi was more attached to me than ever. I was painfully aware of how unknown, new situations were extremely challenging for him. I felt afraid, overwhelmed, and alone. As my mother in law was saying goodbye (over Malachi's screams), she said this to me "I know its rough now but its going to get better.
You need to give him as much time as he was without you to get adjusted to you."
I clung to that nugget of wisdom and advice for 20 months. I tried to remind myself often...He lived without me as his mom for 20 months. He lived without a family for 20 months. I would wait for 20 months. Then...
Well, May 2014 was 20 months. Malachi has now lived with us as long as he lived without us. Are there still moments where orphanage life affects his behavior? Definitely! Are there still tough transitions? Absolutely! However, I can honestly say...my mother in law was right. In the past 20 months, Malachi has adjusted to being an integral part of this family. He now runs around, loves to go with his "papa", irritates his brothers and sisters, talks nonstop although not always understandable, eats by himself, sleeps in a big boy bed, and loves his family.
What a difference 20 months made in the life of my little man!
