The Siegrist Family Christmas

I really hate the movie, A Christmas Vacation....

This weekend, I felt a bit like the Griswold family...ridiculous and over the top!  As I wrote two years ago, http://siegristseven.blogspot.com/2012/12/letting-go.html  Brian made this crazy arrangement with the children four years ago that if we "save" money and get a tree off our land then we can go out to dinner.  As I mentioned, we have cedar trees....ENOUGH SAID!

So, all week I watched as people posted beautiful pictures of artfully decorated Christmas trees. Honestly, I began to feel a bit jealous...I knew a straggly, holey tree was about to be drug in my house to be decorated.

On Sunday, we bundled up the kids and off we went to tromp around our property looking for the "perfect" tree.  Let me just say...on all 20 of our acres there is not. one. single. perfect. tree!  In fact, there is not even a nearly perfect tree.  I was worried of what the neighbors who drove by thought as we searched the front of our property.  I mean, lets be honest, our large, diverse family already stands out in our gated community!!!!  Now, we are tromping around carrying a saw in the freezing cold.  WHAT. IS WRONG. WITH. THAT. FAMILY!

Finally, we agreed on a huge tree....way too tall to even begin to fit in our house.  Brian and the kids drug it up the driveway.  We chopped it in half and into the house it came.  We strung it with white lights and decorated it with the breakable glass ornaments.  We had our 2014 Christmas tree!  In Chloe's words, "Its so beautiful, except for the tree!"

Admist this adventure, I realized that this has become a tradition....and, guess what, our kids look forward to it!  They don't care that the tree is UGLY!  They don't care that we could go to a tree farm and find a gorgeous, hole free tree!  Honestly, they don't even care about going out to dinner (when I asked them they had forgotten that it was part of the deal).  They just love to have a Christmas tree with their personal ornament adorning it!  They just love the tradition of finding the "perfectly ugly" Christmas tree together as a family!

The "A" Word

 I am writing this post because I want to share my feelings about when I heard that "A' word and the week after...

A week ago, I took Malachi to see a doctor concerning some behaviors I have witnessed over the past two years.  These behaviors have been disconcerting and worrisome for both me and Brian.  I, as a former teacher and now an employee of WV's early intervention system, knew what these symptoms meant.  However, when its your child, it is very easy to make excuses...to not really "face the music"!

So, in we go to the doctor's office.  Immediately, Malachi is "on guard" as it is a different person and a new place.  After nearly a 30 minute conversation about his symptoms, she said the "A" word.  "He is autistic."  Now, I thought this before going into the office...in fact, I thought this for two years. However, when the words spilled out of her mouth, my eyes filled with tears and a great sense of panic set in.

What?  How will I manage this?  How will this look in our family?  How will this affect our other children?  How will this affect our marriage?  What will school look like for him?  Will he get married?  Will he have a family?  What type of a job will he be able to get?

Upon coming home, I began to make excuses....
"What does she know, he always acts worse around strangers?"
"His symptoms are worse when I am around..maybe he is not autistic and I am just a bad mother."
"I don't see those typical "autistic" symptoms?  Well, at least, I don't see those typical symptoms too often?

I felt totally overwhelmed.  I wanted to curl in a ball and block out the world.  I wanted to pretend she never said the "A" word....pretend it was just my unprofessional opinion again.  But, that is not reality...I had to keep going and I had to deal with the "A" word.

Next, I thought "I just won't tell anyone."  Then, I remembered what the doctor said..."You might not want to give him the label.  But, remember, he will be labeled....labeled as weird, off, or unusual."  So, even with all its connotations, I decided it is best to share.

A week has passed.  I am still scared to death.  I am still sad that my sweet little boy will have yet another obstacle to overcome.  I am still heartbroken that parts of his life won't be"normal".  I am still overwhelmed as how to make this work everyday.

But, I am choosing to remember the progress my little man has made in two years.  I am choosing to remember that God is good.  I am choosing to figure out a way, with the Lord's help and guidance, to make the best life possible for my autistic son.

It's Just a Cake

Today, my son, Noah, turns 10!  I can hardly believe that 10 years ago after a failed attempt to turn Noah, I was prepped for a c-section and gave birth to my first child.  I remember the first time I held him...I just couldn't believe that he was mine, that they were going to let me take this innocent, little baby home.

I remember as Noah's first birthday approached, Brian shared that his mother always made him a special, decorated cake.  I wanted to be a good mother, so I embarked on the journey of learning how to make these special birthday cakes (Great big thanks to my mother-in-law for the hours of cake baking and decorating that have ensued).  Had I know then that I was going to have 5 children and, therefore, was going to need to make 50 cakes, I may have passed on this opportunity to be a good mother.

Forward 10 years, 10 cakes, and 10,000 gray hairs.....

     Noah's 1st Birthday...

 







   


     Noah's 2nd Birthday....

 







     Noah's 3rd Birthday...

 



     Noah's 4th Birthday...

 








   


     Noah's 5th Birthday...

 

   






   




     Noah's 6th Birthday...

  




     Noah's 7th Birthday...

     Noah's 8th Birthday...

     Noah's 9th Birthday... 

and I am making my last specially designed cake for Noah.  I have told each child that when they turn 10, they will have their last cake.  (Now, don't get me wrong, I will still make my children a birthday cake; however, I will no longer carve and decorate a cake for hours.)  So, I thought I would approach this day with glee.  I mean these cakes create hours of stress for me...searching the Internet for ideas, baking and freezing the cake days in advance, then hours cutting and decorating.

But, as I prepared this last cake, I felt an overwhelming sadness.  My baby is no longer a little boy.  The decade where he physically needed me the most is over.  I thought about all the mistakes I have made in raising him...the times I was too busy to play, the times I lost my temper, the times I stressed about him instead of praying for him, and the times I criticized instead of praised him!  I just can't believe 10 years have passed!

So, I spent the hours (and I mean hours!) it took me to decorate his cake,  praying that God would help my many mistakes over the past 10 years not ruin him.  That he would become a good, honest, kind man, a loving husband, a devoted father, and a sold out follower of Jesus Christ.

Happy Birthday, Noah!