November Is...

Disclaimer...This may offend you.  I plan to write my true thoughts and feelings here, so consider yourself forewarned.

November is National Adoption Month and also the month that houses Orphan Sunday.  Now, as you all know, I am proponent of adoption.  I believe it is a redemptive process in a fallen world.  I believe it models a true example of what Jesus Christ did for each of us.  I know it is beautiful.  I know it is hard.  However, this blog post is not going to be about adoption it is going to be about orphans.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.  James 1:27

 

Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.  Psalms 82:3

 

There are estimated to be 153 million orphans living in our world.  Now, many of these children are social orphans which means they have parents living that cannot or will not take care of the them, but the parent’s rights to the child are still intact and have not been terminated. Often these parents are working long hours in remote areas, are not able to afford/feed their children, or have drug/alcohol related issues that are preventing them from parenting.  Many time these children spend their entire lives in orphanages because they are not adoptable.  Social orphans may have one of the worst opportunities for a future. They are an orphan without family care, often living with substandard nutrition, medical care and education and yet they never have the opportunity for a family through domestic or international adoption.  These are the children I want to spur you to consider.  What are you doing to help them?

 

Now, this is where I get convicted myself.  Oh yeah, we sponsor several children.  I keep their pictures on my photo board and send them an occasional letter, but I do all of this out of my excess.   I am not giving up anything to sponsor them.  It is easy!  It helps me pat myself of the back and say "Oh, I look after the orphans"!    I once read a challenge...if you don't know the name of an orphan, I question if you are truly taking care of the orphans.  I would like to go a step farther and say...if you don't know the name of a specific orphan who you also support and are involved in their life/health/education, I wonder if you are truly taking care of the orphans. 

So many people support orphans through international organizations, like Compassion or World Vision, each month.  These organizations are great and they make it super easy to support an orphan.  We can check that off our "Things Christians Should Do" list...and, guess what, you can even have it automatically deducted from your bank account or charged to your credit card.  So easy!  You don't even really need to think about it...or the orphan.  Somehow, I don't think this is what we are called to do.

 I believe that the plight of the orphans is to break our heart.  I believe the situation that some children live in should convict us to re-evaluate our lives and see how we can truly "look after the orphans".  I think far too often we see that picture of that adorable little orphan and think "oh how sad" and then we get up out of our comfortable chair, we drive away in our nice vehicle, and we go home to our mansions.  (And, don't even try to tell me your house is not a mansion....because in most of the world it is!!)  On Orphan Sunday, after watching a presentation with pictures of orphans living in poverty and seeing overwhelming statistics about orphans and their plight, someone actually said in the same conversation "I pray for those orphans around the world.  Thank God for our healthy babies".  What?  Are you kidding me?  You just missed the whole point of the presentation.  God did not allow your eyes to experience that so you could be thankful for what you have and walk away!  In the words of Ann Voskamp (she is just so much better at expressing my thoughts on paper than I am :)...

"As if God uses slums and shanties and the starving merely as this cosmic Sunday School visual aid to make a bunch of the spoiled kids grateful. As if gratitude is this virtue that can neatly scrub away any inconveniencing responsibility, as if gratitude can quietly get us all off some uncomfortable hook.

In a world of need, it’s too easy to think that static gratitude is our only responsibility — instead of feeling gratitude as the electric current empowering our ability to actually respond.

To actually do something. To actually walk, live, move, respond, go into this world as though our feet are kissing the grace of the ground under us and God over us, going as an embrace to those in need.

Gratitude is the demanding question mark in the grammar of your life – otherwise your life needs editing.
So you are grateful & —- ??
So you are grateful & — ?? What are you going to do?
So you are grateful & —?? How now will you live?"

So, I ask you...what are you going to do for the orphans?  How will you now live in a way that will change the life of one orphan?

 

 

Don't look at the staggering 153 million and throw up your hands.  Look into the eyes of one and vow that you are going to do something to give them a chance to live, a chance to go to school, and maybe even a chance to go live with their family.


If you are looking for a way to help...stay tuned as a friend and I have something "in the works". 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7: Month Three: Comfy Pants How I Will Miss You

Month two was incredibly LONG!!  Heading into October, I loved chicken.  In fact, when out to eat, I typically will get chicken.  After 31 days of eating chicken, I am no longer a fan.  I have no intention of eating chicken for quite a while. 


Thinking over the past month, here are some lessons I learned...
I am a spoiled, rotten brat.  At all times, I have so much food at my fingerprints.  It is not just the quantity of food that is available, it is the variety.  I love the variety...I am used to the variety...I'm afraid there a part of me that thinks I work hard to deserve the variety!  I.am.a.spoiled.rotten.brat!

Food is never a worry for me.  I might stress about whether to make spaghetti or chili, but I never stress about whether I have food to feed my family.  I am blessed beyond measure just on the basis of this alone.  When I pray over my meal, I need to really think on my words and truly thank the One who has provided.


So, now we move onto month number three...clothes.  For the entire month of November, I will wear 7 articles of clothing.  I picked...1 pair of black dress pants, 1 pair of jeans, 1 long sleeve black tee, 1 pink cardigan (I am a teacher you know), 1 dress shirt, 1 blue tunic shirt, and 1 long sleeve purple shirt.  This.is.it folks...my wardrobe for the next month...

In addition, we get seven accessories...I chose 1 pair of black flats, 1 pair of black boots, 2 scarves, 1 necklace, 1 pair footless tights,  and 1 pair of earrings

Unfortunately, I think this month just may be harder on me than last month.  As I stated earlier, I love my clothes and shoes.  I mean who doesn't enjoy pretty clothes.  Who doesn't like some variety of clothing and shoes?  Really, did I just type that?  I.am.a.spoiled.rotten.brat!  Why? Why? Why am I so concerned about these materialistic, temporal things?

An excerpt from 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess
"There is something noble about an assembly of believers in simple clothes, where the lobby isn't filled with people saying "You look pretty" to one another.  Maybe looking pretty isn't the catalyst for the Spirit's movement.  Perhaps an obsessive occupation with dresses and hair and shoes detracts us from the point of the gathering: a fixation on Jesus.  When the jars of clay remember they are jars of clay, the treasure within gets all the glory, which seems somehow more fitting."

So, my prayer this month is with a mandated 7 articles of clothing my focus will be more on the treasure I have within than on how I look on the outside. 

Example One: Why Every Child Deserves a Home and a Family

Today, after a follow up appointment with the ENT, Malachi and I had to stop by the pharmacy.  While waiting for the clerk to put in our order, Malachi was chatting away.  "Where Papa?  What's that?  Up, Mommy!"  The clerk looked up smiled and said, "Wow, what a chatty little boy!"  I almost started crying...if only this lady has seen him 12 months ago.  He was basically a nonverbal, tantrum throwing, extremely reserved little boy.  Now, he is a happy little boy who goes to toddler church without crying, chatters an entire 25 minute car ride home, throws a mean tantrum from time to time (come on now, he is 2 :), and loves his family.  EVERY CHILD DESERVES A FAMILY!

Lately, there has been so much talk about ending adoptions.  This has me fired up...Do I believe adoptions need to be conducted in an ethical manner?  Absolutely!  Do I think, if possible, children should stay with their first family in their country of birth?  Without a doubt!  Do I think we, as Christians and Americans, need to support the poverty stricken so they can keep their children?  Completely!  However, even if all adoptions were completed ethically and we poured money into the poverty stricken villages so families could stay together...there would still be orphans.  This is a fallen, sinful world people! 

I have visited Guatemala since adoptions have officially closed in 2008.  The orphanages are full of beautiful children growing up without families.  In fact, there are estimated to be over 370,000 orphans in Guatemala alone. 

 

Guatemalans do not typically adopt Guatemalan children.  ("The majority of the children that could be adopted [by Guatemalans] are Mayan, and the families who can adopt often don't want children with that type of skin or that hair color. They want light-color children. That's our culture. It's not that we're bad. It's the way we were taught")   So, the alternative for these children is an orphanage.  An orphanage, no matter how nice or how much it is set up to resemble family setting, is not a family.  We need to speak up for these children!  Every. Child. Deserves. A. Family.

As I walked away from the pharmacy counter, I thought to myself...where would my little boy be if he hadn't been adopted.  If he hadn't received surgery to put tubes in his ears and relieve his constant ear infections.  If he hadn't received speech weekly.  If he hadn't received occupational therapy to build up his jaw muscles.  If the government decided (as they are threatening to do now) that adoption is not the best course of action for the true orphans within his birth country?  Where would he be?  More tears came because I didn't like the answer.

7: Month Two: Chicken is not my Friend

Month one of our seven month fast is done.  Sadly, it was not difficult for me to get rid of 210 things....I far exceeded that number and my house is still filled.  Every time I tackled a new area of my possessions, I felt extreme guilt over the amount of money I had thrown into acquiring all this stuff.  I hope that this feeling of "enough is enough" will stick with me in the coming months/years.

I am going to be honest though, I had to talk myself through Target several times...."You don't need anything.  It doesn't matter how great of a sale they are having.  Get what you came for and leave.  Don't even walk in that section.  Get thee behind me Satan!"  It is hard to for me to mesh the poverty I have seen and the amount of stuff I have...I need to change!  Brian thinks if I worried less about fashion and what people think of me, I could eliminate a lot more stuff (ouch that hurts but I am afraid it is very true).  I think the biggest lesson I learned this month is...I need to change--my stuff has WAY TOO BIG of a hold on me!


By contrast, month two, I am afraid, will prove more difficult on a daily basis...

Month two is seven foods.  All month I will only eat seven foods.  Sounds yummy, huh?  After much thought, I have decided on the following seven foods...

Chicken
Rice
Lima Beans
Apples
Wheat Bread
Peanut Butter
Chocolate Fiber Cleansing Snacks (these are my indulgence and part of my cleanse)

 

We decided drinks would not count as one of our food items...however, I am eliminating all soda and only drinking water, tea, or a cleansing drink.  I decided to also do a cleanse this month....I might as well take my limited diet and rid my body of toxins at the same time (probably this is cheating I know...but hey, if you aren't eating only 7 foods for one whole month don't judge...oh my goodness, I am already getting grouchy and it is only day two :).

I am praying this month as I am craving a specific food item, I will turn to Jesus to fill me up.  It sounds a bit cliché, I know.  However, here, in America, where food is not something about which I worry, I say my standard prayer before a meal but am I really truly thanking God for providing my food.  Do I truly understand that without Him, I would not have food at all.  Or, far too often do I think it is my hard work that provided the money that bought the food...you know its about me and my work ethic instead of God and His gifts.

So, this month, give me some grace if I am grouchy or if it appears that I might want to eat you.  And, please bring me something other than chicken to eat on November 1st...

Becoming a Family of Seven: One Year Later

One year ago today, we stepped foot back on American soil after spending 10 days "bringing home the boys".  At that moment, it seemed like the end of a journey that involved Brian being pulled from a car by an angry mob.  The end of journey that let me witness a war torn, poverty stricken nation.  The end of a journey that forever changed my life.  However, in reality, it was just the beginning of our journey as a family of seven. 

As I was thinking over how I wanted to write this post...I decided I would write myself an advice filled letter that I wish I would have read (and listened to) over a year ago. 


Dear Me,
Adoption is hard.  It is the taking of two (or more) people with no blood relation and forever making them a family.  Our adoption into God's family cost him His one and only son.  Earthly adoption costs you financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically....plan for that!  God did not call us to a life of ease and comfort.

Accept help.  This is so difficult to do; however, it is not bad (nor does it mean you are a bad mother) to ask for and accept help.  Sometimes, as an adoptive parent, I know you feel that others think you "chose" these children therefore you shouldn't need a break.  Now, whether this is just perceived or true on the part of the outside world, don't let it limit your asking of help.  Who cares if people say, "Well, if you are overwhelmed maybe you shouldn't have adopted 2 more children."  If people offer to help, take them up on the kindness!

5 is more than 3.  Basic math, right?  Five children is a lot more to manage than three.  Your first three children were within 3 years.  They were babies together.  Then, 5 years passed by, your three children got involved in activities.  Now, enter 2 more....oh wait, the other 3 are still involved in activities, still attending school, having homework, and they are only 8, 7, and 5.  Give yourself some time to adjust to these new dynamics. 

2 Boys Together is Different than a Boy and Girl Together.  Noah and Anna are only eight months apart...Number 4 and Number 5 are one year apart....but it's going to be  whole new ball game.  Two boys are ROUGH!  They will put a hurting on your house!  Look at what will happen to your home....and take a deep breath...

 

 

 

Stop Comparing Yourself and Your Children to Others.  No one else has your children.  God has put your family together and you are unique.  It is so tempting to look at other mothers, their beautiful children, and smiling family portraits and think they are so perfect.  Just remember...you have not seen behind their closed doors. 

Developmental milestones are guidelines.  Your child might not meet them within the time frame...or even meet them by a long shot.  That is alright.  Compare your child to your child and look at the milestones they are reaching!  Celebrate the progress each child has made individually.

Accept Failure as Part of the Process.  You will fail. Again. And. Again.  You must pick yourself up and try again.  Every other mother fails also.  You are no different.  You will lose your temper and your patience.  Apologize, move on, and learn from your failures
                                                   
People Will Stare.  This will be very difficult for you as you like to go with the crowd and not be a stand out.  You will stand out...everywhere.  People will stare and smile.  People will stare and scowl.  Grow some thick skin.  Trust that you are where God wants you to be at this moment.  Smile, breath, and maybe, from time to time, walk quickly.

One and a Half Years is So Much Longer than Two Months.  (Again with the basic math.)  One of your boys only spent two months in an orphanage.  The other spent one and a half years.  You can never go back and get those years.  The brain development or lack thereof will not be made up.  This will break your heart every time you hear a presentation on it.  You will want to cry every time your pediatrician tells you that you need to modify your expectations.  However, you do need to modify your expectations.  You need to accept the past, realize you can never change it, and move on from there.

Screaming is a Blessing.  What?  A friend of yours (when speaking about her adopted daughter) will say "Even when she screams and throws a fit, I am thankful that she is home and I can hear her."   There will be so much screaming.  When a child doesn't speak but wants to communicate, they scream.  They. Scream. Loud.  Be patient.  Make charts, give choices, breathe, teach signs, say the same word over and over, and then breathe some more...And, be thankful that you can hear him scream.  He isn't across the ocean.  He is here and you can hear him scream!

Take Some/Ignore Some.  Everyone will have advice.  Some will be helpful.  A lot will be useless.  Smile, nod, and remember that no one has been in your exact situation.  If people are not supporting you in your journey to become a family of seven, move on.  You need to surround yourself with positivity....you have enough obstacles to overcome.
Find another adoptive family because their life will most closely resemble your life and struggles.  In fact, find several adoptive families.

Celebrate The Baby Steps of Attachment.  For a while, the attachment will be "unhealthy", meaning he will have to have you no matter what when you are around.  If he doesn't, he will scream. and. Loud.  People will "tsk" and shake their heads.  Ignore them.  Remind yourself that at least he is attaching...even if a bit unhealthy. 
Guess what...just shy of 1 year, he will ask to go to toddler church and he will go. Without. Any. Tears.  Guess what else...he will chose to go with someone else even though you are staying home.  It does get better.  He will heal and the scars of people always disappearing will begin to fade.  He just has to know you are there (always and forever) before he can spread his wings to fly. 

Change Your Life.  Let what you saw change you forever.  It is not alright that babies are laying in cribs without arms holding them, toys engaging them, and love surrounding them.  It is not alright that little boys are sleeping on wooden slats.  It is not alright that children are being forced to become soldiers...That six year olds are being kidnapped from their homes and forced to kill.  It is not alright that little girls are being raped by grown men.  It is not alright that children are dying of malnutrition and hunger while you throw food away daily.  YOU NEED TO DO YOUR PART TO CHANGE THIS!  Find a way...research charitable agencies to fund, become an advocate for adoption, and "be the change" for those who don't have a voice.  It will be a long, hard battle but find. a. way.

Despite Everything, Adoption is Beautiful.  Through tragedy, God is making something beautiful.  Through the loss of first families, God is weaving a new family...a forever family.  Your family is a picture of what God's family looks like...White, Brown, and Black....scarred from the battle but pressing on and moving forward.  It will be hard!  However, it is beautiful!

Lastly, Look at the Smiles...all the tears, all the failures and setbacks, all the moments of sheer panic, all the overwhelmed feelings....they are worth it because these two little boys have a family.  Someone is holding them!  Someone loves them deeply!  Someone is fighting for them!  And that makes EVERYTHING ELSE worth it!

You will survive this first year.  Things do get better.  Hang in there!
Love,
Me

7 Months...7 Things...7 Opportunities to See More of Him

I like stuff!  Actually, I love my stuff!  If asked, I would say Jesus is first in my life...I would give all this stuff up.  However, at times, I am forced to question my response.  I try to justify my large amounts of stuff by saying "I give to the poor.  I help those in need."  More often than naught, I give out of my abundance.  Honestly, I am not sure I have ever "given until it hurts". 

I get so frustrated with myself because I have seen poverty.  I have seen children sleeping on wooden slats without a single toy.  I have been inside of entire homes that would fit into my family room.  Often, it is in those settings, that I see Jesus...His hope...His love....His grace and mercy....and His hospitality.  Always, I walk away from these experiences saying "I want to be different.  I want to love Him more and my stuff less".  Then, I return to my comfortable life with my overabundance of stuff and the memories of "the least of these" starts to fade.

About two months ago, my friend, Kelly, told me I should read the book 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker.  (By the way, don't read this book if you don't want to be confronted with your excess and your love of it)  After some discussion, we decided we were going to follow Jen Hatmaker's model (with a few modifications) and take 7 months to fast from 7 things that get so much of our attention.

September is the month Kelly and I will focus on possessions.  We will give away 7 items each day.  I decided that I will be giving away 7 items each day...210 items total...that are mine.  I decided this because I wanted to make me uncomfortable.  I wanted to not take the easy way out and give away what I wanted from my possessions and then move on to my children's possessions to make up the difference.  (Oh yes, I would totally do this)

 Today, I am three days in and feeling good.  I mean my closets needed some cleaning out. 

 

Take notice of how organized my shirts are...but, seriously who needs this many shirts (and these aren't even my comfy t-shirts)

 

Jewelry drawer...honestly half of this jewelry I haven't even worn in the past 10 years



My winter shoes...I thought about organizing before snapping the picture (how prideful am I) but then figured you have enough from this post to judge me about why not add something else...

 

 

 

As you can see, God has a lot of work to do in me over this next month.  I am excited to see how God is going to use this fast to make people see more of Him and less of me.  I am praying for opportunities to give my stuff to people in need.  I don't want to just load it up and take it down to the local Rescue Mission...I want to be the one to meet a need.  I want to see God use my willingness (alright I want to see God use my twisted arm) to show love to another.  I want to serve God and not my money/possessions.  I want to be filled up with Him not the treasures of this world.

What to Do with TV???

I have struggled with what to let my children watch on TV.  What is age appropriate?  What correlates with our morals (not much by the way)?  Time and time again, I come out on the very conservative side.  I have a 9, 8, and 6 year old who still watch toddler shows and Little House on the Prairie. 

As a child, my family did not have a TV.  (So, don't ask me about the Smurfs or any other popular cartoon when I was a child).  We got our first TV when I was in high school.  There were times when I felt so left out because I had no idea what the other children were discussing...or singing...or watching.  However, as an adult, I see the wisdom in my parents decision not to have a television.

We, as a family, have decided to have a television; however, my children are allowed to watch very little.  No matter how I try to protect them...I still have to switch the channel during football game commercials and turn off a show in the middle because I don't like the way they are talking or the things they are promoting.  And, then there was the time I thought the girls would like to watch Dancing with the Stars.  (Big mistake on my part)

Today, I heard about Miley Cyrus' VMA performance.  So, I decided to watch and see what all the fuss was about...What in the world?  That cute little tween that we, as a nation, allowed our children to idolize is dancing half nude, making obscene gestures, and barely singing.  Why didn't her mother go up and cover her up and yank her butt off that stage?  She is 20 years old....not even old enough to legally drink alcohol.  What has happened to this nation that we see no issue in exploiting our children?  What is she teaching all those pre-teen girls that idolize her?  Do we really wonder why our teenagers are sexually active at younger and younger ages?

Today, I am feeling blessed that my children are happy to watch Laura Ingalls Wilder.  I am praying that as they get older I can continue to take a stand on what I allow my children to take in...because it makes a difference!!  We, as Christians, need to take a stand...we need to look different!

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things"  Philippians 4:8