Month two came and went a whole lot smoother than I thought it would. For the entire month, I wore seven articles of clothing.
(I was told I cheated once...We never put a stipulation on jackets/coats as the weather around here in November can be anywhere from 60 degrees to 20 degrees. Anyways, one day I wore my jean jacket. Truth be told, I did keep it on all day at work. However, in my defense it is very cold in my classroom and I needed a "jacket" and, secondly, it has the word jacket in its name:)
I did learn a few things over the month...
1. I am vain. I got dressed so quickly over the month....I mean there was nothing to think about...wear whatever you didn't wear yesterday. Guess what else, I had a lot more time for other parts of my morning routine....like quiet time.
2. No one really cares about your clothes. Since I only told two people at work, I thought everyone would be talking about me at work. (Maybe they were but I never picked up on it...what is the saying "Ignorance is bliss"). Honestly, I don't really think anyone noticed. This month, I really started to pay attention to see if I could remember what people were wearing the day before....you know what, unless I had a specific conversation about an article of someone's clothing, I couldn't remember it.
3. My dad was right. Growing up, my dad always used to tell me..."Those clothes are not dirty after you wear them one time". Of course, I never listened. During the month of November, I realized that the pace of my life is not going to allow me to wash my one and only pair of black dress pants everyday...there is going to be some wearing a second time and maybe even a third time depending on the week. Again, I didn't notice people talking about me so I guess I didn't smell too bad.
4. I am obsessed with knowing the time. Throughout the month, my most missed article of clothing was my watch. What this means I am unsure....probably should see a therapist. However, on December 1st, when I pulled my watch out of the drawer I momentarily considered kissing it :)
Now I head into month four, shutting off the screens. So, for me, that means, no TV, Facebook, Apps, Games, and the Internet (except for blogging and scrap booking). At first, I thought, this month won't even be hard for me. I don't even watch that much TV and Facebook well I can take or leave that. Then, I realized.....
How in the world will I finish my Christmas shopping? I mean seriously, I have 5 children...I do not have time to go shopping. So, in a frenzy of shopping, I got most of it done before December 1st. Gotta love Amazon!! Of course, you always have those relatives that don't get you their lists in a timely manner....looks like Brian will need to be picking up the slack this month.
What about my Eagles? As I write that I know it sounds ridiculous to call them "my Eagles", but let me tell you many a year I have watched tortuous games in December as the Eagles team fell apart week by week...but I always watched....I always hoped they would get better. Now, they seem to be pulling themselves together. They might win the division. Where was I yesterday as they defeated the Cardinals? Holed up in the bedroom as Brian and Noah cheer.
I like background noise. You would think with 5 children, I would enjoy the peace and quiet. However, when I am working, I like background noise...quiet background noise mind you :) A lot of evenings I sit on the couch doing work and listen to the TV. The silence will be weird.
So, it should be an interesting month. I might call you more just to have some noise in my ear. Don't talk to me about specific plays in the Eagles game...that would be rude and I might just pop you one! Seriously, I am hoping this month to "listen" more to the still, small voice....
"Be still and know that I am God". Psalm 46:10
Monday, December 2, 2013
Saturday, November 16, 2013
November Is...
Disclaimer...This may offend you. I plan to write my true thoughts and feelings here, so consider yourself forewarned.
November is National Adoption Month and also the month that houses Orphan Sunday. Now, as you all know, I am proponent of adoption. I believe it is a redemptive process in a fallen world. I believe it models a true example of what Jesus Christ did for each of us. I know it is beautiful. I know it is hard. However, this blog post is not going to be about adoption it is going to be about orphans.
November is National Adoption Month and also the month that houses Orphan Sunday. Now, as you all know, I am proponent of adoption. I believe it is a redemptive process in a fallen world. I believe it models a true example of what Jesus Christ did for each of us. I know it is beautiful. I know it is hard. However, this blog post is not going to be about adoption it is going to be about orphans.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27
Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Psalms 82:3
There are estimated to be 153 million orphans living in our world. Now, many of these children are social orphans which means they have parents living that cannot or will not take care of the them, but the parent’s rights to the child are still intact and have not been terminated. Often these parents are working long hours in remote areas, are not able to afford/feed their children, or have drug/alcohol related issues that are preventing them from parenting. Many time these children spend their entire lives in orphanages because they are not adoptable. Social orphans may have one of the worst opportunities for a future. They are an orphan without family care, often living with substandard nutrition, medical care and education and yet they never have the opportunity for a family through domestic or international adoption. These are the children I want to spur you to consider. What are you doing to help them?
Now, this is where I get convicted myself. Oh yeah, we sponsor several children. I keep their pictures on my photo board and send them an occasional letter, but I do all of this out of my excess. I am not giving up anything to sponsor them. It is easy! It helps me pat myself of the back and say "Oh, I look after the orphans"! I once read a challenge...if you don't know the name of an orphan, I question if you are truly taking care of the orphans. I would like to go a step farther and say...if you don't know the name of a specific orphan who you also support and are involved in their life/health/education, I wonder if you are truly taking care of the orphans.
So many people support orphans through international organizations, like Compassion or World Vision, each month. These organizations are great and they make it super easy to support an orphan. We can check that off our "Things Christians Should Do" list...and, guess what, you can even have it automatically deducted from your bank account or charged to your credit card. So easy! You don't even really need to think about it...or the orphan. Somehow, I don't think this is what we are called to do.
I believe that the plight of the orphans is to break our heart. I believe the situation that some children live in should convict us to re-evaluate our lives and see how we can truly "look after the orphans". I think far too often we see that picture of that adorable little orphan and think "oh how sad" and then we get up out of our comfortable chair, we drive away in our nice vehicle, and we go home to our mansions. (And, don't even try to tell me your house is not a mansion....because in most of the world it is!!) On Orphan Sunday, after watching a presentation with pictures of orphans living in poverty and seeing overwhelming statistics about orphans and their plight, someone actually said in the same conversation "I pray for those orphans around the world. Thank God for our healthy babies". What? Are you kidding me? You just missed the whole point of the presentation. God did not allow your eyes to experience that so you could be thankful for what you have and walk away! In the words of Ann Voskamp (she is just so much better at expressing my thoughts on paper than I am :)...
"As if God uses slums and shanties and the starving merely as this cosmic Sunday School visual aid to make a bunch of the spoiled kids grateful. As if gratitude is this virtue that can neatly scrub away any inconveniencing responsibility, as if gratitude can quietly get us all off some uncomfortable hook.
In a world of need, it’s too easy to think that static gratitude is our only responsibility — instead of feeling gratitude as the electric current empowering our ability to actually respond.
To actually do something. To actually walk, live, move, respond, go into this world as though our feet are kissing the grace of the ground under us and God over us, going as an embrace to those in need.
Gratitude is the demanding question mark in the grammar of your life – otherwise your life needs editing.
So you are grateful & —- ??
So you are grateful & — ?? What are you going to do?
So you are grateful & —?? How now will you live?"
So, I ask you...what are you going to do for the orphans? How will you now live in a way that will change the life of one orphan?
So you are grateful & —- ??
So you are grateful & — ?? What are you going to do?
So you are grateful & —?? How now will you live?"
So, I ask you...what are you going to do for the orphans? How will you now live in a way that will change the life of one orphan?
Don't look at the staggering 153 million and throw up your hands. Look into the eyes of one and vow that you are going to do something to give them a chance to live, a chance to go to school, and maybe even a chance to go live with their family.
If you are looking for a way to help...stay tuned as a friend and I have something "in the works".
If you are looking for a way to help...stay tuned as a friend and I have something "in the works".
Sunday, November 3, 2013
7: Month Three: Comfy Pants How I Will Miss You
Month two was incredibly LONG!! Heading into October, I loved chicken. In fact, when out to eat, I typically will get chicken. After 31 days of eating chicken, I am no longer a fan. I have no intention of eating chicken for quite a while.
Thinking over the past month, here are some lessons I learned...
I am a spoiled, rotten brat. At all times, I have so much food at my fingerprints. It is not just the quantity of food that is available, it is the variety. I love the variety...I am used to the variety...I'm afraid there a part of me that thinks I work hard to deserve the variety! I.am.a.spoiled.rotten.brat!
Food is never a worry for me. I might stress about whether to make spaghetti or chili, but I never stress about whether I have food to feed my family. I am blessed beyond measure just on the basis of this alone. When I pray over my meal, I need to really think on my words and truly thank the One who has provided.
So, now we move onto month number three...clothes. For the entire month of November, I will wear 7 articles of clothing. I picked...1 pair of black dress pants, 1 pair of jeans, 1 long sleeve black tee, 1 pink cardigan (I am a teacher you know), 1 dress shirt, 1 blue tunic shirt, and 1 long sleeve purple shirt. This.is.it folks...my wardrobe for the next month...
In addition, we get seven accessories...I chose 1 pair of black flats, 1 pair of black boots, 2 scarves, 1 necklace, 1 pair footless tights, and 1 pair of earrings
Unfortunately, I think this month just may be harder on me than last month. As I stated earlier, I love my clothes and shoes. I mean who doesn't enjoy pretty clothes. Who doesn't like some variety of clothing and shoes? Really, did I just type that? I.am.a.spoiled.rotten.brat! Why? Why? Why am I so concerned about these materialistic, temporal things?
An excerpt from 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess
"There is something noble about an assembly of believers in simple clothes, where the lobby isn't filled with people saying "You look pretty" to one another. Maybe looking pretty isn't the catalyst for the Spirit's movement. Perhaps an obsessive occupation with dresses and hair and shoes detracts us from the point of the gathering: a fixation on Jesus. When the jars of clay remember they are jars of clay, the treasure within gets all the glory, which seems somehow more fitting."
So, my prayer this month is with a mandated 7 articles of clothing my focus will be more on the treasure I have within than on how I look on the outside.
Thinking over the past month, here are some lessons I learned...
I am a spoiled, rotten brat. At all times, I have so much food at my fingerprints. It is not just the quantity of food that is available, it is the variety. I love the variety...I am used to the variety...I'm afraid there a part of me that thinks I work hard to deserve the variety! I.am.a.spoiled.rotten.brat!
Food is never a worry for me. I might stress about whether to make spaghetti or chili, but I never stress about whether I have food to feed my family. I am blessed beyond measure just on the basis of this alone. When I pray over my meal, I need to really think on my words and truly thank the One who has provided.
So, now we move onto month number three...clothes. For the entire month of November, I will wear 7 articles of clothing. I picked...1 pair of black dress pants, 1 pair of jeans, 1 long sleeve black tee, 1 pink cardigan (I am a teacher you know), 1 dress shirt, 1 blue tunic shirt, and 1 long sleeve purple shirt. This.is.it folks...my wardrobe for the next month...
In addition, we get seven accessories...I chose 1 pair of black flats, 1 pair of black boots, 2 scarves, 1 necklace, 1 pair footless tights, and 1 pair of earrings
Unfortunately, I think this month just may be harder on me than last month. As I stated earlier, I love my clothes and shoes. I mean who doesn't enjoy pretty clothes. Who doesn't like some variety of clothing and shoes? Really, did I just type that? I.am.a.spoiled.rotten.brat! Why? Why? Why am I so concerned about these materialistic, temporal things?
An excerpt from 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess
"There is something noble about an assembly of believers in simple clothes, where the lobby isn't filled with people saying "You look pretty" to one another. Maybe looking pretty isn't the catalyst for the Spirit's movement. Perhaps an obsessive occupation with dresses and hair and shoes detracts us from the point of the gathering: a fixation on Jesus. When the jars of clay remember they are jars of clay, the treasure within gets all the glory, which seems somehow more fitting."
So, my prayer this month is with a mandated 7 articles of clothing my focus will be more on the treasure I have within than on how I look on the outside.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Example One: Why Every Child Deserves a Home and a Family
Today, after a follow up appointment with the ENT, Malachi and I had to stop by the pharmacy. While waiting for the clerk to put in our order, Malachi was chatting away. "Where Papa? What's that? Up, Mommy!" The clerk looked up smiled and said, "Wow, what a chatty little boy!" I almost started crying...if only this lady has seen him 12 months ago. He was basically a nonverbal, tantrum throwing, extremely reserved little boy. Now, he is a happy little boy who goes to toddler church without crying, chatters an entire 25 minute car ride home, throws a mean tantrum from time to time (come on now, he is 2 :), and loves his family. EVERY CHILD DESERVES A FAMILY!
Lately, there has been so much talk about ending adoptions. This has me fired up...Do I believe adoptions need to be conducted in an ethical manner? Absolutely! Do I think, if possible, children should stay with their first family in their country of birth? Without a doubt! Do I think we, as Christians and Americans, need to support the poverty stricken so they can keep their children? Completely! However, even if all adoptions were completed ethically and we poured money into the poverty stricken villages so families could stay together...there would still be orphans. This is a fallen, sinful world people!
I have visited Guatemala since adoptions have officially closed in 2008. The orphanages are full of beautiful children growing up without families. In fact, there are estimated to be over 370,000 orphans in Guatemala alone.
Guatemalans do not typically adopt Guatemalan children. ("The majority of the children that could be adopted [by Guatemalans] are Mayan, and the families who can adopt often don't want children with that type of skin or that hair color. They want light-color children. That's our culture. It's not that we're bad. It's the way we were taught") So, the alternative for these children is an orphanage. An orphanage, no matter how nice or how much it is set up to resemble family setting, is not a family. We need to speak up for these children! Every. Child. Deserves. A. Family.
As I walked away from the pharmacy counter, I thought to myself...where would my little boy be if he hadn't been adopted. If he hadn't received surgery to put tubes in his ears and relieve his constant ear infections. If he hadn't received speech weekly. If he hadn't received occupational therapy to build up his jaw muscles. If the government decided (as they are threatening to do now) that adoption is not the best course of action for the true orphans within his birth country? Where would he be? More tears came because I didn't like the answer.
Lately, there has been so much talk about ending adoptions. This has me fired up...Do I believe adoptions need to be conducted in an ethical manner? Absolutely! Do I think, if possible, children should stay with their first family in their country of birth? Without a doubt! Do I think we, as Christians and Americans, need to support the poverty stricken so they can keep their children? Completely! However, even if all adoptions were completed ethically and we poured money into the poverty stricken villages so families could stay together...there would still be orphans. This is a fallen, sinful world people!
I have visited Guatemala since adoptions have officially closed in 2008. The orphanages are full of beautiful children growing up without families. In fact, there are estimated to be over 370,000 orphans in Guatemala alone.
As I walked away from the pharmacy counter, I thought to myself...where would my little boy be if he hadn't been adopted. If he hadn't received surgery to put tubes in his ears and relieve his constant ear infections. If he hadn't received speech weekly. If he hadn't received occupational therapy to build up his jaw muscles. If the government decided (as they are threatening to do now) that adoption is not the best course of action for the true orphans within his birth country? Where would he be? More tears came because I didn't like the answer.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
7: Month Two: Chicken is not my Friend
Month one of our seven month fast is done. Sadly, it was not difficult for me to get rid of 210 things....I far exceeded that number and my house is still filled. Every time I tackled a new area of my possessions, I felt extreme guilt over the amount of money I had thrown into acquiring all this stuff. I hope that this feeling of "enough is enough" will stick with me in the coming months/years.
I am going to be honest though, I had to talk myself through Target several times...."You don't need anything. It doesn't matter how great of a sale they are having. Get what you came for and leave. Don't even walk in that section. Get thee behind me Satan!" It is hard to for me to mesh the poverty I have seen and the amount of stuff I have...I need to change! Brian thinks if I worried less about fashion and what people think of me, I could eliminate a lot more stuff (ouch that hurts but I am afraid it is very true). I think the biggest lesson I learned this month is...I need to change--my stuff has WAY TOO BIG of a hold on me!
By contrast, month two, I am afraid, will prove more difficult on a daily basis...
Month two is seven foods. All month I will only eat seven foods. Sounds yummy, huh? After much thought, I have decided on the following seven foods...
Chicken
Rice
Lima Beans
Apples
Wheat Bread
Peanut Butter
Chocolate Fiber Cleansing Snacks (these are my indulgence and part of my cleanse)
We decided drinks would not count as one of our food items...however, I am eliminating all soda and only drinking water, tea, or a cleansing drink. I decided to also do a cleanse this month....I might as well take my limited diet and rid my body of toxins at the same time (probably this is cheating I know...but hey, if you aren't eating only 7 foods for one whole month don't judge...oh my goodness, I am already getting grouchy and it is only day two :).
I am praying this month as I am craving a specific food item, I will turn to Jesus to fill me up. It sounds a bit cliché, I know. However, here, in America, where food is not something about which I worry, I say my standard prayer before a meal but am I really truly thanking God for providing my food. Do I truly understand that without Him, I would not have food at all. Or, far too often do I think it is my hard work that provided the money that bought the food...you know its about me and my work ethic instead of God and His gifts.
So, this month, give me some grace if I am grouchy or if it appears that I might want to eat you. And, please bring me something other than chicken to eat on November 1st...
I am going to be honest though, I had to talk myself through Target several times...."You don't need anything. It doesn't matter how great of a sale they are having. Get what you came for and leave. Don't even walk in that section. Get thee behind me Satan!" It is hard to for me to mesh the poverty I have seen and the amount of stuff I have...I need to change! Brian thinks if I worried less about fashion and what people think of me, I could eliminate a lot more stuff (ouch that hurts but I am afraid it is very true). I think the biggest lesson I learned this month is...I need to change--my stuff has WAY TOO BIG of a hold on me!
By contrast, month two, I am afraid, will prove more difficult on a daily basis...
Month two is seven foods. All month I will only eat seven foods. Sounds yummy, huh? After much thought, I have decided on the following seven foods...
Chicken
Rice
Lima Beans
Apples
Wheat Bread
Peanut Butter
Chocolate Fiber Cleansing Snacks (these are my indulgence and part of my cleanse)
We decided drinks would not count as one of our food items...however, I am eliminating all soda and only drinking water, tea, or a cleansing drink. I decided to also do a cleanse this month....I might as well take my limited diet and rid my body of toxins at the same time (probably this is cheating I know...but hey, if you aren't eating only 7 foods for one whole month don't judge...oh my goodness, I am already getting grouchy and it is only day two :).
I am praying this month as I am craving a specific food item, I will turn to Jesus to fill me up. It sounds a bit cliché, I know. However, here, in America, where food is not something about which I worry, I say my standard prayer before a meal but am I really truly thanking God for providing my food. Do I truly understand that without Him, I would not have food at all. Or, far too often do I think it is my hard work that provided the money that bought the food...you know its about me and my work ethic instead of God and His gifts.
So, this month, give me some grace if I am grouchy or if it appears that I might want to eat you. And, please bring me something other than chicken to eat on November 1st...
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Becoming a Family of Seven: One Year Later
One year ago today, we stepped foot back on American soil after spending 10 days "bringing home the boys". At that moment, it seemed like the end of a journey that involved Brian being pulled from a car by an angry mob. The end of journey that let me witness a war torn, poverty stricken nation. The end of a journey that forever changed my life. However, in reality, it was just the beginning of our journey as a family of seven.
As I was thinking over how I wanted to write this post...I decided I would write myself an advice filled letter that I wish I would have read (and listened to) over a year ago.
Dear Me,
Adoption is hard. It is the taking of two (or more) people with no blood relation and forever making them a family. Our adoption into God's family cost him His one and only son. Earthly adoption costs you financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically....plan for that! God did not call us to a life of ease and comfort.
Accept help. This is so difficult to do; however, it is not bad (nor does it mean you are a bad mother) to ask for and accept help. Sometimes, as an adoptive parent, I know you feel that others think you "chose" these children therefore you shouldn't need a break. Now, whether this is just perceived or true on the part of the outside world, don't let it limit your asking of help. Who cares if people say, "Well, if you are overwhelmed maybe you shouldn't have adopted 2 more children." If people offer to help, take them up on the kindness!
5 is more than 3. Basic math, right? Five children is a lot more to manage than three. Your first three children were within 3 years. They were babies together. Then, 5 years passed by, your three children got involved in activities. Now, enter 2 more....oh wait, the other 3 are still involved in activities, still attending school, having homework, and they are only 8, 7, and 5. Give yourself some time to adjust to these new dynamics.
2 Boys Together is Different than a Boy and Girl Together. Noah and Anna are only eight months apart...Number 4 and Number 5 are one year apart....but it's going to be whole new ball game. Two boys are ROUGH! They will put a hurting on your house! Look at what will happen to your home....and take a deep breath...
Accept Failure as Part of the Process. You will fail. Again. And. Again. You must pick yourself up and try again. Every other mother fails also. You are no different. You will lose your temper and your patience. Apologize, move on, and learn from your failures
People Will Stare. This will be very difficult for you as you like to go with the crowd and not be a stand out. You will stand out...everywhere. People will stare and smile. People will stare and scowl. Grow some thick skin. Trust that you are where God wants you to be at this moment. Smile, breath, and maybe, from time to time, walk quickly.
One and a Half Years is So Much Longer than Two Months. (Again with the basic math.) One of your boys only spent two months in an orphanage. The other spent one and a half years. You can never go back and get those years. The brain development or lack thereof will not be made up. This will break your heart every time you hear a presentation on it. You will want to cry every time your pediatrician tells you that you need to modify your expectations. However, you do need to modify your expectations. You need to accept the past, realize you can never change it, and move on from there.
Screaming is a Blessing. What? A friend of yours (when speaking about her adopted daughter) will say "Even when she screams and throws a fit, I am thankful that she is home and I can hear her." There will be so much screaming. When a child doesn't speak but wants to communicate, they scream. They. Scream. Loud. Be patient. Make charts, give choices, breathe, teach signs, say the same word over and over, and then breathe some more...And, be thankful that you can hear him scream. He isn't across the ocean. He is here and you can hear him scream!
Take Some/Ignore Some. Everyone will have advice. Some will be helpful. A lot will be useless. Smile, nod, and remember that no one has been in your exact situation. If people are not supporting you in your journey to become a family of seven, move on. You need to surround yourself with positivity....you have enough obstacles to overcome.
Find another adoptive family because their life will most closely resemble your life and struggles. In fact, find several adoptive families.
Celebrate The Baby Steps of Attachment. For a while, the attachment will be "unhealthy", meaning he will have to have you no matter what when you are around. If he doesn't, he will scream. and. Loud. People will "tsk" and shake their heads. Ignore them. Remind yourself that at least he is attaching...even if a bit unhealthy.
Guess what...just shy of 1 year, he will ask to go to toddler church and he will go. Without. Any. Tears. Guess what else...he will chose to go with someone else even though you are staying home. It does get better. He will heal and the scars of people always disappearing will begin to fade. He just has to know you are there (always and forever) before he can spread his wings to fly.
Change Your Life. Let what you saw change you forever. It is not alright that babies are laying in cribs without arms holding them, toys engaging them, and love surrounding them. It is not alright that little boys are sleeping on wooden slats. It is not alright that children are being forced to become soldiers...That six year olds are being kidnapped from their homes and forced to kill. It is not alright that little girls are being raped by grown men. It is not alright that children are dying of malnutrition and hunger while you throw food away daily. YOU NEED TO DO YOUR PART TO CHANGE THIS! Find a way...research charitable agencies to fund, become an advocate for adoption, and "be the change" for those who don't have a voice. It will be a long, hard battle but find. a. way.
Despite Everything, Adoption is Beautiful. Through tragedy, God is making something beautiful. Through the loss of first families, God is weaving a new family...a forever family. Your family is a picture of what God's family looks like...White, Brown, and Black....scarred from the battle but pressing on and moving forward. It will be hard! However, it is beautiful!
Lastly, Look at the Smiles...all the tears, all the failures and setbacks, all the moments of sheer panic, all the overwhelmed feelings....they are worth it because these two little boys have a family. Someone is holding them! Someone loves them deeply! Someone is fighting for them! And that makes EVERYTHING ELSE worth it!
You will survive this first year. Things do get better. Hang in there!
Love,
Me
As I was thinking over how I wanted to write this post...I decided I would write myself an advice filled letter that I wish I would have read (and listened to) over a year ago.
Dear Me,
Adoption is hard. It is the taking of two (or more) people with no blood relation and forever making them a family. Our adoption into God's family cost him His one and only son. Earthly adoption costs you financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically....plan for that! God did not call us to a life of ease and comfort.
Accept help. This is so difficult to do; however, it is not bad (nor does it mean you are a bad mother) to ask for and accept help. Sometimes, as an adoptive parent, I know you feel that others think you "chose" these children therefore you shouldn't need a break. Now, whether this is just perceived or true on the part of the outside world, don't let it limit your asking of help. Who cares if people say, "Well, if you are overwhelmed maybe you shouldn't have adopted 2 more children." If people offer to help, take them up on the kindness!
5 is more than 3. Basic math, right? Five children is a lot more to manage than three. Your first three children were within 3 years. They were babies together. Then, 5 years passed by, your three children got involved in activities. Now, enter 2 more....oh wait, the other 3 are still involved in activities, still attending school, having homework, and they are only 8, 7, and 5. Give yourself some time to adjust to these new dynamics.
2 Boys Together is Different than a Boy and Girl Together. Noah and Anna are only eight months apart...Number 4 and Number 5 are one year apart....but it's going to be whole new ball game. Two boys are ROUGH! They will put a hurting on your house! Look at what will happen to your home....and take a deep breath...
Stop Comparing Yourself and Your Children to Others. No one else has your children. God has put your family together and you are unique. It is so tempting to look at other mothers, their beautiful children, and smiling family portraits and think they are so perfect. Just remember...you have not seen behind their closed doors.
Developmental milestones are guidelines. Your child might not meet them within the time frame...or even meet them by a long shot. That is alright. Compare your child to your child and look at the milestones they are reaching! Celebrate the progress each child has made individually.Accept Failure as Part of the Process. You will fail. Again. And. Again. You must pick yourself up and try again. Every other mother fails also. You are no different. You will lose your temper and your patience. Apologize, move on, and learn from your failures
People Will Stare. This will be very difficult for you as you like to go with the crowd and not be a stand out. You will stand out...everywhere. People will stare and smile. People will stare and scowl. Grow some thick skin. Trust that you are where God wants you to be at this moment. Smile, breath, and maybe, from time to time, walk quickly.
One and a Half Years is So Much Longer than Two Months. (Again with the basic math.) One of your boys only spent two months in an orphanage. The other spent one and a half years. You can never go back and get those years. The brain development or lack thereof will not be made up. This will break your heart every time you hear a presentation on it. You will want to cry every time your pediatrician tells you that you need to modify your expectations. However, you do need to modify your expectations. You need to accept the past, realize you can never change it, and move on from there.
Screaming is a Blessing. What? A friend of yours (when speaking about her adopted daughter) will say "Even when she screams and throws a fit, I am thankful that she is home and I can hear her." There will be so much screaming. When a child doesn't speak but wants to communicate, they scream. They. Scream. Loud. Be patient. Make charts, give choices, breathe, teach signs, say the same word over and over, and then breathe some more...And, be thankful that you can hear him scream. He isn't across the ocean. He is here and you can hear him scream!
Take Some/Ignore Some. Everyone will have advice. Some will be helpful. A lot will be useless. Smile, nod, and remember that no one has been in your exact situation. If people are not supporting you in your journey to become a family of seven, move on. You need to surround yourself with positivity....you have enough obstacles to overcome.
Find another adoptive family because their life will most closely resemble your life and struggles. In fact, find several adoptive families.
Celebrate The Baby Steps of Attachment. For a while, the attachment will be "unhealthy", meaning he will have to have you no matter what when you are around. If he doesn't, he will scream. and. Loud. People will "tsk" and shake their heads. Ignore them. Remind yourself that at least he is attaching...even if a bit unhealthy.
Guess what...just shy of 1 year, he will ask to go to toddler church and he will go. Without. Any. Tears. Guess what else...he will chose to go with someone else even though you are staying home. It does get better. He will heal and the scars of people always disappearing will begin to fade. He just has to know you are there (always and forever) before he can spread his wings to fly.
Change Your Life. Let what you saw change you forever. It is not alright that babies are laying in cribs without arms holding them, toys engaging them, and love surrounding them. It is not alright that little boys are sleeping on wooden slats. It is not alright that children are being forced to become soldiers...That six year olds are being kidnapped from their homes and forced to kill. It is not alright that little girls are being raped by grown men. It is not alright that children are dying of malnutrition and hunger while you throw food away daily. YOU NEED TO DO YOUR PART TO CHANGE THIS! Find a way...research charitable agencies to fund, become an advocate for adoption, and "be the change" for those who don't have a voice. It will be a long, hard battle but find. a. way.
Despite Everything, Adoption is Beautiful. Through tragedy, God is making something beautiful. Through the loss of first families, God is weaving a new family...a forever family. Your family is a picture of what God's family looks like...White, Brown, and Black....scarred from the battle but pressing on and moving forward. It will be hard! However, it is beautiful!
Lastly, Look at the Smiles...all the tears, all the failures and setbacks, all the moments of sheer panic, all the overwhelmed feelings....they are worth it because these two little boys have a family. Someone is holding them! Someone loves them deeply! Someone is fighting for them! And that makes EVERYTHING ELSE worth it!
You will survive this first year. Things do get better. Hang in there!
Love,
Me
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
7 Months...7 Things...7 Opportunities to See More of Him
I like stuff! Actually, I love my stuff! If asked, I would say Jesus is first in my life...I would give all this stuff up. However, at times, I am forced to question my response. I try to justify my large amounts of stuff by saying "I give to the poor. I help those in need." More often than naught, I give out of my abundance. Honestly, I am not sure I have ever "given until it hurts".
I get so frustrated with myself because I have seen poverty. I have seen children sleeping on wooden slats without a single toy. I have been inside of entire homes that would fit into my family room. Often, it is in those settings, that I see Jesus...His hope...His love....His grace and mercy....and His hospitality. Always, I walk away from these experiences saying "I want to be different. I want to love Him more and my stuff less". Then, I return to my comfortable life with my overabundance of stuff and the memories of "the least of these" starts to fade.
About two months ago, my friend, Kelly, told me I should read the book 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker. (By the way, don't read this book if you don't want to be confronted with your excess and your love of it) After some discussion, we decided we were going to follow Jen Hatmaker's model (with a few modifications) and take 7 months to fast from 7 things that get so much of our attention.
September is the month Kelly and I will focus on possessions. We will give away 7 items each day. I decided that I will be giving away 7 items each day...210 items total...that are mine. I decided this because I wanted to make me uncomfortable. I wanted to not take the easy way out and give away what I wanted from my possessions and then move on to my children's possessions to make up the difference. (Oh yes, I would totally do this)
Today, I am three days in and feeling good. I mean my closets needed some cleaning out.
As you can see, God has a lot of work to do in me over this next month. I am excited to see how God is going to use this fast to make people see more of Him and less of me. I am praying for opportunities to give my stuff to people in need. I don't want to just load it up and take it down to the local Rescue Mission...I want to be the one to meet a need. I want to see God use my willingness (alright I want to see God use my twisted arm) to show love to another. I want to serve God and not my money/possessions. I want to be filled up with Him not the treasures of this world.
I get so frustrated with myself because I have seen poverty. I have seen children sleeping on wooden slats without a single toy. I have been inside of entire homes that would fit into my family room. Often, it is in those settings, that I see Jesus...His hope...His love....His grace and mercy....and His hospitality. Always, I walk away from these experiences saying "I want to be different. I want to love Him more and my stuff less". Then, I return to my comfortable life with my overabundance of stuff and the memories of "the least of these" starts to fade.
About two months ago, my friend, Kelly, told me I should read the book 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker. (By the way, don't read this book if you don't want to be confronted with your excess and your love of it) After some discussion, we decided we were going to follow Jen Hatmaker's model (with a few modifications) and take 7 months to fast from 7 things that get so much of our attention.
September is the month Kelly and I will focus on possessions. We will give away 7 items each day. I decided that I will be giving away 7 items each day...210 items total...that are mine. I decided this because I wanted to make me uncomfortable. I wanted to not take the easy way out and give away what I wanted from my possessions and then move on to my children's possessions to make up the difference. (Oh yes, I would totally do this)
Today, I am three days in and feeling good. I mean my closets needed some cleaning out.
Take notice of how organized my shirts are...but, seriously who needs this many shirts (and these aren't even my comfy t-shirts)
Jewelry drawer...honestly half of this jewelry I haven't even worn in the past 10 years
My winter shoes...I thought about organizing before snapping the picture (how prideful am I) but then figured you have enough from this post to judge me about why not add something else...
As you can see, God has a lot of work to do in me over this next month. I am excited to see how God is going to use this fast to make people see more of Him and less of me. I am praying for opportunities to give my stuff to people in need. I don't want to just load it up and take it down to the local Rescue Mission...I want to be the one to meet a need. I want to see God use my willingness (alright I want to see God use my twisted arm) to show love to another. I want to serve God and not my money/possessions. I want to be filled up with Him not the treasures of this world.
Monday, August 26, 2013
What to Do with TV???
I have struggled with what to let my children watch on TV. What is age appropriate? What correlates with our morals (not much by the way)? Time and time again, I come out on the very conservative side. I have a 9, 8, and 6 year old who still watch toddler shows and Little House on the Prairie.
As a child, my family did not have a TV. (So, don't ask me about the Smurfs or any other popular cartoon when I was a child). We got our first TV when I was in high school. There were times when I felt so left out because I had no idea what the other children were discussing...or singing...or watching. However, as an adult, I see the wisdom in my parents decision not to have a television.
We, as a family, have decided to have a television; however, my children are allowed to watch very little. No matter how I try to protect them...I still have to switch the channel during football game commercials and turn off a show in the middle because I don't like the way they are talking or the things they are promoting. And, then there was the time I thought the girls would like to watch Dancing with the Stars. (Big mistake on my part)
Today, I heard about Miley Cyrus' VMA performance. So, I decided to watch and see what all the fuss was about...What in the world? That cute little tween that we, as a nation, allowed our children to idolize is dancing half nude, making obscene gestures, and barely singing. Why didn't her mother go up and cover her up and yank her butt off that stage? She is 20 years old....not even old enough to legally drink alcohol. What has happened to this nation that we see no issue in exploiting our children? What is she teaching all those pre-teen girls that idolize her? Do we really wonder why our teenagers are sexually active at younger and younger ages?
Today, I am feeling blessed that my children are happy to watch Laura Ingalls Wilder. I am praying that as they get older I can continue to take a stand on what I allow my children to take in...because it makes a difference!! We, as Christians, need to take a stand...we need to look different!
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" Philippians 4:8
As a child, my family did not have a TV. (So, don't ask me about the Smurfs or any other popular cartoon when I was a child). We got our first TV when I was in high school. There were times when I felt so left out because I had no idea what the other children were discussing...or singing...or watching. However, as an adult, I see the wisdom in my parents decision not to have a television.
We, as a family, have decided to have a television; however, my children are allowed to watch very little. No matter how I try to protect them...I still have to switch the channel during football game commercials and turn off a show in the middle because I don't like the way they are talking or the things they are promoting. And, then there was the time I thought the girls would like to watch Dancing with the Stars. (Big mistake on my part)
Today, I heard about Miley Cyrus' VMA performance. So, I decided to watch and see what all the fuss was about...What in the world? That cute little tween that we, as a nation, allowed our children to idolize is dancing half nude, making obscene gestures, and barely singing. Why didn't her mother go up and cover her up and yank her butt off that stage? She is 20 years old....not even old enough to legally drink alcohol. What has happened to this nation that we see no issue in exploiting our children? What is she teaching all those pre-teen girls that idolize her? Do we really wonder why our teenagers are sexually active at younger and younger ages?
Today, I am feeling blessed that my children are happy to watch Laura Ingalls Wilder. I am praying that as they get older I can continue to take a stand on what I allow my children to take in...because it makes a difference!! We, as Christians, need to take a stand...we need to look different!
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" Philippians 4:8
Monday, August 12, 2013
Faith and Love...Like a Child
We were sitting at a park-n-ride waiting to "exchange" children. I had 4 kids with me...which included the little boys, Noah, and a friend. Parked in the back of the park-n-ride towards the woods was a 70's style van with a tarp on top, a shaggy dog, and a "homeless" looking man. Now, I know from previous discussions that this man lives in his van.
The kids start asking me about the van and its occupant. I explain a little and then reply without much thought...."How sad for him. We should pray for him." Then, I dismissed the matter. Noah and his friend continue to ask if they can go talk to the man. Finally, they get out some cheese sticks and some apples that I had packed for a snack...They decide they would like to take it to the man.
At this point, I am getting very uncomfortable...I mean, the man looks shady. I am weak...I can't protect the kids. I'm not sure this is safe. I start offering excuses to the kids but they are persistent. My friend arrives (safety in numbers right...I mean together we are 2 tough mommas :) and we discuss and agree they can take the food to the man....as we watch from a safe distance.
So, Noah and his friend take the food over and talk with the man for a few minutes. As I watched them walk over, I felt so convicted....THIS IS GOD'S LOVE IN ACTION!!! Shame on me for trying to squelch His spirit in those two little boys! Shame on me for not taking the food myself!
The kids start asking me about the van and its occupant. I explain a little and then reply without much thought...."How sad for him. We should pray for him." Then, I dismissed the matter. Noah and his friend continue to ask if they can go talk to the man. Finally, they get out some cheese sticks and some apples that I had packed for a snack...They decide they would like to take it to the man.
At this point, I am getting very uncomfortable...I mean, the man looks shady. I am weak...I can't protect the kids. I'm not sure this is safe. I start offering excuses to the kids but they are persistent. My friend arrives (safety in numbers right...I mean together we are 2 tough mommas :) and we discuss and agree they can take the food to the man....as we watch from a safe distance.
So, Noah and his friend take the food over and talk with the man for a few minutes. As I watched them walk over, I felt so convicted....THIS IS GOD'S LOVE IN ACTION!!! Shame on me for trying to squelch His spirit in those two little boys! Shame on me for not taking the food myself!
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
When He's There...and You Want to Be Too
This week has been hard for me. My husband is in Guatemala loving on the children at Dorie's Promise and working in the surrounding community of Guatemala City. It hasn't been hard because he is gone (although that is no walk in the park). It is hard because I want to be there.
Eight years ago, I stepped foot in Guatemala to meet my daughter...and since then my life has never been the same.
I have grown to love the people and culture of Guatemala. In addition, God has placed a burden on my heart for orphans who will never know the love of a forever family.
So, when I skype with him and hear his excitement for the people he is meeting or the lives that are being changed with water filters, chicken coops, and cement floors....I feel jealous! I know God has called me here, at home, for this week...but knowing God's plan and truly accepting God's plan are often two different things. As I am here canning green beans, doing laundry, making meals, going to speech therapy appointments, I often feel like God had to have more than this in mind for me. I mean He gave me this huge heart for orphans...and I haven't been on a missions trip in two years. What is going on...has He forgotten that He placed these desires in my heart....does He not see that others are living out my "heart"?
As I was having a pity party for myself, I received this email from my dear friend who is also in Guatemala this week.
"To think this all goes back to Brian and you adopting Anna! You guys never knew how this would have grown and how many people would be coming to the special place in your heart-Guatemala"
It was like God was giving me a hug and telling me to hold on...He hasn't forgotten me...He has a plan much bigger than I could ever imagine. So, I am choosing to thank God for the little girl who changed my heart...
and the people who gave up their week of vacation to love on "the least of these" in Guatemala.
Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord."
Eight years ago, I stepped foot in Guatemala to meet my daughter...and since then my life has never been the same.
So, when I skype with him and hear his excitement for the people he is meeting or the lives that are being changed with water filters, chicken coops, and cement floors....I feel jealous! I know God has called me here, at home, for this week...but knowing God's plan and truly accepting God's plan are often two different things. As I am here canning green beans, doing laundry, making meals, going to speech therapy appointments, I often feel like God had to have more than this in mind for me. I mean He gave me this huge heart for orphans...and I haven't been on a missions trip in two years. What is going on...has He forgotten that He placed these desires in my heart....does He not see that others are living out my "heart"?
As I was having a pity party for myself, I received this email from my dear friend who is also in Guatemala this week.
"To think this all goes back to Brian and you adopting Anna! You guys never knew how this would have grown and how many people would be coming to the special place in your heart-Guatemala"
It was like God was giving me a hug and telling me to hold on...He hasn't forgotten me...He has a plan much bigger than I could ever imagine. So, I am choosing to thank God for the little girl who changed my heart...
and the people who gave up their week of vacation to love on "the least of these" in Guatemala.
Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord."
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Traveling with 5 Kids Is A Lot like a Circus
Our family has been "on the road" the past couple of weeks. We went camping with the Siegrist clan...
and visited Myrtle Beach with my parents....
On top of the crazy moments that go with feeding, bathing, and sleeping children in a new situations, I have some really funny travel moments (actually I am not sure funny is the right word but sometimes all you can do is laugh ;)
*Noah "accidentally" rides his bike into the lake. Now, Noah is a very intelligent young man...tell me, how do you ride your bike into a lake, not a puddle, A LAKE!!!
*We stopped at a disgusting gas station for a bathroom break. We had to stop here because the traffic was at a stand still and we needed a bathroom. Malachi is potty training so I took him to the bathroom. Why must little kids put their hands on the toilet seat??? Despite this, I took him to the bathroom, turned my head to flush the toilet with a paper towel....Malachi picks up a plunger and touches the end that goes in the toilet. YUCK!!!!
*After our breakfast stop at Cracker Barrel, I take 3 kids to the bathroom. The girls each go into their stalls to use the restroom. I take Malachi in a stall with me. While he is going potty, I realize breakfast is not agreeing with my stomach. So, I am trying to deal with my situation and keep Malachi from opening the stall door and touching the floor or walls. In addition, I need to make the girls stand still outside the stall. FUN TIMES!!! Why doesn't Brian ever get into these situations?
*My mom got the boys these little pull behind wagons for the beach. We rattled all the way down to the beach. A lady met us on the way back and said, "I love your wagons. I heard them going down to the beach early this morning." Not sure she really loved them...
*Noah, along with his buddy, caught a lizard. He was so happy! We went to the beach, came back to the condo....the lizard was fine. We went to the pool for a short time, came in to eat lunch...the lizard was dead. Oh, the crying....you would have thought a person died. Lucky for Noah (not me), his buddy gave him one of the smaller lizard he had caught. So, now, we have a pet lizard.
and visited Myrtle Beach with my parents....
On top of the crazy moments that go with feeding, bathing, and sleeping children in a new situations, I have some really funny travel moments (actually I am not sure funny is the right word but sometimes all you can do is laugh ;)
*Noah "accidentally" rides his bike into the lake. Now, Noah is a very intelligent young man...tell me, how do you ride your bike into a lake, not a puddle, A LAKE!!!
*We stopped at a disgusting gas station for a bathroom break. We had to stop here because the traffic was at a stand still and we needed a bathroom. Malachi is potty training so I took him to the bathroom. Why must little kids put their hands on the toilet seat??? Despite this, I took him to the bathroom, turned my head to flush the toilet with a paper towel....Malachi picks up a plunger and touches the end that goes in the toilet. YUCK!!!!
*After our breakfast stop at Cracker Barrel, I take 3 kids to the bathroom. The girls each go into their stalls to use the restroom. I take Malachi in a stall with me. While he is going potty, I realize breakfast is not agreeing with my stomach. So, I am trying to deal with my situation and keep Malachi from opening the stall door and touching the floor or walls. In addition, I need to make the girls stand still outside the stall. FUN TIMES!!! Why doesn't Brian ever get into these situations?
*My mom got the boys these little pull behind wagons for the beach. We rattled all the way down to the beach. A lady met us on the way back and said, "I love your wagons. I heard them going down to the beach early this morning." Not sure she really loved them...
*Noah, along with his buddy, caught a lizard. He was so happy! We went to the beach, came back to the condo....the lizard was fine. We went to the pool for a short time, came in to eat lunch...the lizard was dead. Oh, the crying....you would have thought a person died. Lucky for Noah (not me), his buddy gave him one of the smaller lizard he had caught. So, now, we have a pet lizard.
All in all, we had some great vacations...and made some great memories!
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Racism is For Real
With all the recent events like the Trayvon Martin/Zimmerman trial and Paula Deen's racial slurs/attitude, I have been thinking about this world in which my children are growing up. I have always known that racism exists...unfortunately, I have known far too many racist people. However, it wasn't until bringing the boys home, that I realized IT IS EVERYWHERE!!! It is not always presented with an in your face comment, but it is the way people act when a group of African American boys walk by, or a joke that is degrading to Hispanic people, or someone describing another human "as black, I mean really black". (By the way---I absolutely hate this...what does it matter if they are light brown, dark brown, or black...are they more or less of a person by the degree of color in their skin...do I describe you as "white, I mean really white"?)
As an adoptive mother, it is impossible for me to go anywhere with my children without people staring. Now, some are staring because they are curious about adoption. Some are staring because I have so many children. However, some are staring because they disagree with our family makeup...and it is evident in their facial expressions.
When you have children that are a different race than you, you become much more aware of the prevalence of racism and attitudes towards people of different races and ethnicities (both within yourself and those you come in contact with). Over the past few months, I have noticed several cases/attitudes and it has really made me think about how my boys and oldest girl are going to be treated differently because of the color of their skin. It will not matter to some that they were raised by the same parents as my biological children...whether they have good moral character or not...all that will matter is that they are not white! That to me is heartbreaking and infuriating!
So, from this point forward, I am going to call people out on their off-handed remarks. (This will be very challenging for me as I hate confrontation.) However, I can not let my children grow up thinking that I think less of them because their skin doesn't match mine. I figure I might offend some people, but I'm willing to do that for my children. I love them too much to not try and make the world a place "where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." (Martin Luther King Jr.)
As an adoptive mother, it is impossible for me to go anywhere with my children without people staring. Now, some are staring because they are curious about adoption. Some are staring because I have so many children. However, some are staring because they disagree with our family makeup...and it is evident in their facial expressions.
When you have children that are a different race than you, you become much more aware of the prevalence of racism and attitudes towards people of different races and ethnicities (both within yourself and those you come in contact with). Over the past few months, I have noticed several cases/attitudes and it has really made me think about how my boys and oldest girl are going to be treated differently because of the color of their skin. It will not matter to some that they were raised by the same parents as my biological children...whether they have good moral character or not...all that will matter is that they are not white! That to me is heartbreaking and infuriating!
So, from this point forward, I am going to call people out on their off-handed remarks. (This will be very challenging for me as I hate confrontation.) However, I can not let my children grow up thinking that I think less of them because their skin doesn't match mine. I figure I might offend some people, but I'm willing to do that for my children. I love them too much to not try and make the world a place "where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." (Martin Luther King Jr.)
Friday, June 21, 2013
So Thankful for My Husband
I am not really a gushy person. (My husband would be embarrassed if he knew I was gushing about him...but he doesn't read my blog:)
But, after the past two weeks, I am ready to shout my husband's praises from the rooftop.
Brian has been away on business for the past two weeks....so, I have been all alone....Doing. Everything. Myself. (breakfast, dressing, swim practice, lunch, potty training, discipline, cleaning, dinner, swim meets, baths, bedtime) Even though my husband is typically not home until dinner or later, I always know he will be home to bath the kids, play with them way too late, do prayers and bedtime, and clean up from dinner. But, when you face the day knowing you will not get a break until they go to bed and then there is still cleaning...it is so draining!
(By the way, I have all the more respect for single mothers after these past two weeks!)
Now, before you go thinking "WOW what a woman!"....let me just tell you, while I was swinging solo, there were some real winner moments...
*Noah went to a birthday party with no card. His gift, a gift card, was stuck into a plain envelope that was only partially decorated.
*There were tons of unhealthy dinners...chicken nuggets, bagged French fries, canned ravioli, and frozen pizzas
*One night for dinner, I let Malachi eat M&M's and potato chips....because I was just too tired to deal with the fight. At least, he ate something...RIGHT?
*We skipped baths a few nights...the chlorine from the pool cleans them, I think
*Malachi played the ipad while sitting on the potty....great potty training method, huh?
*I let my 8 year old son mow the lawn....because I just didn't have 2 hours to spare
So, at the end of these two weeks, I am thankful that God has blessed me with a wonderful friend....
and a terrific father....
and I am thankful that he is coming home!!!!
But, after the past two weeks, I am ready to shout my husband's praises from the rooftop.
Brian has been away on business for the past two weeks....so, I have been all alone....Doing. Everything. Myself. (breakfast, dressing, swim practice, lunch, potty training, discipline, cleaning, dinner, swim meets, baths, bedtime) Even though my husband is typically not home until dinner or later, I always know he will be home to bath the kids, play with them way too late, do prayers and bedtime, and clean up from dinner. But, when you face the day knowing you will not get a break until they go to bed and then there is still cleaning...it is so draining!
(By the way, I have all the more respect for single mothers after these past two weeks!)
Now, before you go thinking "WOW what a woman!"....let me just tell you, while I was swinging solo, there were some real winner moments...
*Noah went to a birthday party with no card. His gift, a gift card, was stuck into a plain envelope that was only partially decorated.
*There were tons of unhealthy dinners...chicken nuggets, bagged French fries, canned ravioli, and frozen pizzas
*One night for dinner, I let Malachi eat M&M's and potato chips....because I was just too tired to deal with the fight. At least, he ate something...RIGHT?
*We skipped baths a few nights...the chlorine from the pool cleans them, I think
*Malachi played the ipad while sitting on the potty....great potty training method, huh?
*I let my 8 year old son mow the lawn....because I just didn't have 2 hours to spare
So, at the end of these two weeks, I am thankful that God has blessed me with a wonderful friend....
and a terrific father....
and I am thankful that he is coming home!!!!
Thursday, June 13, 2013
What If You Could Know the Future?
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future..."
What if you could know the future? Would you want to know how things are going to turn out? I used to think I would love to know the future....who should I marry? should I take the job? should I be-friend a particular person? will my children grow up to love and serve Jesus? However,
about four months...
knowing a part of the future became a possibility....
Four months ago, my mom was presented with information regarding the BRAC test. This test allows patients to undergo blood work to determine if they have genetic indicators for female cancers. If my mom would carry the gene, then my sister and I would undergo the test to see if we carry the gene. If we have the gene, we would then decide how we want to handle the information...be more proactive with yearly exams, change lifestyles, have a hysterectomy and/or a double mastectomy.
My first reaction was ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I do not want to know that I am going suffer through surgeries and have to undergo radiation and chemotherapy. I watched my mom fight the battle....and I don't want to know that that is my future. Then, I thought what if I refuse to participate and my sister ends up with cancer in a few years....and having the test could have prevented it or delayed it...how could I live with myself? So, I agreed.
The test have been drawn...and now we wait! A part of me is nervous....a part of me just wants to know and take any necessary steps....and another part of me just doesn't think about it :)
Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
What if you could know the future? Would you want to know how things are going to turn out? I used to think I would love to know the future....who should I marry? should I take the job? should I be-friend a particular person? will my children grow up to love and serve Jesus? However,
about four months...
knowing a part of the future became a possibility....
Four months ago, my mom was presented with information regarding the BRAC test. This test allows patients to undergo blood work to determine if they have genetic indicators for female cancers. If my mom would carry the gene, then my sister and I would undergo the test to see if we carry the gene. If we have the gene, we would then decide how we want to handle the information...be more proactive with yearly exams, change lifestyles, have a hysterectomy and/or a double mastectomy.
My first reaction was ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I do not want to know that I am going suffer through surgeries and have to undergo radiation and chemotherapy. I watched my mom fight the battle....and I don't want to know that that is my future. Then, I thought what if I refuse to participate and my sister ends up with cancer in a few years....and having the test could have prevented it or delayed it...how could I live with myself? So, I agreed.
The test have been drawn...and now we wait! A part of me is nervous....a part of me just wants to know and take any necessary steps....and another part of me just doesn't think about it :)
Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
We. Are. A. Hot. Mess
Sometimes I get so annoyed when I read Facebook or people's blogs...everyone seems to have a perfect little family with perfect outings and beautiful, smiling children. Well, that is NOT my life! We are a hot mess! I want to be real so I thought I would take a moment and give you a perfect example of our hot messiness :)
This past week, Noah had a baseball game....of course, it was 95 degrees here. I had to take all the children as Brian had to work late. The bus drops off my children at 4:05. We needed to be at the ball field at 5:00 (and its a 15 minute drive). So, needless to say, we were our trademark 10 minutes late.
Sidebar---I hate being late!! When it is just me, I am not late....I have yet to ever be late to work! However, when you are trying to herd 5 children into a vehicle...time just disappears.
We show up at the ball field. Noah has to walk himself down to the field by himself because I need to unpack the rest of the family...strollers, activity bag, snacks, etc. Finally, the rest of us make it down to the field around 5:20. Chloe has chosen this time to throw a fit because I am making her wear a headband that doesn't match her outfit. (I forgot to mention....before we left I told her to get something in her hair so it wasn't hanging in her eyes. Since she didn't listen, she had to wear what hair accessory I had in the car)
Let me just tell you...We. Stand. Out. Everywhere. We. Go. Even if the children are on their best behavior....people look at our large, ethnically diverse family.
This night, we are really standing out. Chloe is beside me whining/crying for 45 minutes. Malachi does his occasional screaming fit. At one point, Malachi licks the ball field play set. (Now, if that had been Noah, I would have been running to the car...disinfecting his mouth.) But, I just said, "Don't lick the play set.". A little while later, Isaac was sitting in the rocks...digging and putting the rocks in a cardboard box that someone had so kindly littered by the bleachers. (I don't even have a sandbox at home because I hate dirt and grim all over my children. At this point, I am just glad he is quiet.) I am pouring sweat. The kids are fighting over the water bottle. (What kind of a mother with four children in the bleachers only bring one water bottle?) Noah gets to pitch and does a great job. Then, he is up to bat...he strikes out....he is crying! Oh, and the game lasts for 2 hours and 10 minutes....and I still needed to feed the children dinner and give them baths.
This. Is. Our. Life....you can love us or not! We are so far from perfect....but I really hope that makes us approachable and "real"
This past week, Noah had a baseball game....of course, it was 95 degrees here. I had to take all the children as Brian had to work late. The bus drops off my children at 4:05. We needed to be at the ball field at 5:00 (and its a 15 minute drive). So, needless to say, we were our trademark 10 minutes late.
Sidebar---I hate being late!! When it is just me, I am not late....I have yet to ever be late to work! However, when you are trying to herd 5 children into a vehicle...time just disappears.
We show up at the ball field. Noah has to walk himself down to the field by himself because I need to unpack the rest of the family...strollers, activity bag, snacks, etc. Finally, the rest of us make it down to the field around 5:20. Chloe has chosen this time to throw a fit because I am making her wear a headband that doesn't match her outfit. (I forgot to mention....before we left I told her to get something in her hair so it wasn't hanging in her eyes. Since she didn't listen, she had to wear what hair accessory I had in the car)
Let me just tell you...We. Stand. Out. Everywhere. We. Go. Even if the children are on their best behavior....people look at our large, ethnically diverse family.
This night, we are really standing out. Chloe is beside me whining/crying for 45 minutes. Malachi does his occasional screaming fit. At one point, Malachi licks the ball field play set. (Now, if that had been Noah, I would have been running to the car...disinfecting his mouth.) But, I just said, "Don't lick the play set.". A little while later, Isaac was sitting in the rocks...digging and putting the rocks in a cardboard box that someone had so kindly littered by the bleachers. (I don't even have a sandbox at home because I hate dirt and grim all over my children. At this point, I am just glad he is quiet.) I am pouring sweat. The kids are fighting over the water bottle. (What kind of a mother with four children in the bleachers only bring one water bottle?) Noah gets to pitch and does a great job. Then, he is up to bat...he strikes out....he is crying! Oh, and the game lasts for 2 hours and 10 minutes....and I still needed to feed the children dinner and give them baths.
This. Is. Our. Life....you can love us or not! We are so far from perfect....but I really hope that makes us approachable and "real"
Friday, May 24, 2013
Looking for the Joys Among the Madness
The last two weeks have been insane for me! The girls had their annual dance recital, Noah had baseball and football conditioning, speech therapy, a surgery, 6 formal assessment to be given to my students (yes...I teach pre-K), and life's normal demands (you know the ones...cooking, cleaning, showering :).
One evening, I was rushing from picking up Noah at the football field across a parking lot to grab the girls from their dress rehearsal. I looked down and this is what I was carrying in my hand...
So, taking Ann Voskamp's advice (http://onethousandgifts.com/), I decided instead of grumbling in my head about the rushing, or the fact I am totting half of the kids stuff, or countless other things I could complain about...I decided to give thanks! I am so thankful that God blessed me with boys and girls. I love a beautiful ballet recital....watching my lovely girls twirl and tap. However, I also love a good rough and tumble football game. Thankfully, I can enjoy both.
Here are a few other moments that I had this past week that have given me reason to give thanks...
One evening, I was rushing from picking up Noah at the football field across a parking lot to grab the girls from their dress rehearsal. I looked down and this is what I was carrying in my hand...
Here are a few other moments that I had this past week that have given me reason to give thanks...
Chloe reading Isaac a bedtime story.
Noah and Malachi scooting.
The flowers Anna brought me from the woods.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Noah Blogs about Urban Hope
Over the weekend of April 19-21, Noah and Brian traveled to Urban Hope in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. This was Noah's third trip to Urban Hope. I asked him to write about his time there. Here is his story in his own words....
We arrived at Urban Hope at about 4:30 P.M. At 5:00, we were all settled in. Then, we all went to a meeting so the leaders of Urban Hope could tell us what our mission was and what we would be doing. If you were wondering...our mission was to strike up a conversation with somebody and to go out of our comfort zone and we would... feed the homeless, throw a block party, and (our church did not but all the other churches) participate in Kingdom Kids.
During feeding the homeless, I met three people I remember. I don`t remember two of the names, but I do remember Alonzo. He was an old guy that was really nice. He had hair like Pappy. I remember him because he is the one we talked to the most. He was born on the 8th of February. We prayed for him and then he asked, "Can I pray for you?" Papa said, "Yes". He started out his prayer, "Thank you Lord for President Obama...". He finished by saying, "Thank you for this boy standing beside me that is 8 years old." Feeding the homeless makes me feel happy and sad at the same time....because feeding homeless people makes me happy and some of their stories are very sad.
On Saturday, we threw the block party. I helped out with 2 things...face painting and the bean bag toss. First, we had to hand out fliers and clean the street. There were a lot of people at the block party. The people seemed to have a very good time. I like the block party because we are doing what God wants us to do...we are going out of our comfort zone and talking to people and inviting them to a party so they can learn about God's love.
I like going to Urban Hope because I like to see how the people react when you tell them stories about God. Sometimes, they ask God to forgive them for their sins.
I hope next year I go to Urban Hope. It is fun.
We arrived at Urban Hope at about 4:30 P.M. At 5:00, we were all settled in. Then, we all went to a meeting so the leaders of Urban Hope could tell us what our mission was and what we would be doing. If you were wondering...our mission was to strike up a conversation with somebody and to go out of our comfort zone and we would... feed the homeless, throw a block party, and (our church did not but all the other churches) participate in Kingdom Kids.
During feeding the homeless, I met three people I remember. I don`t remember two of the names, but I do remember Alonzo. He was an old guy that was really nice. He had hair like Pappy. I remember him because he is the one we talked to the most. He was born on the 8th of February. We prayed for him and then he asked, "Can I pray for you?" Papa said, "Yes". He started out his prayer, "Thank you Lord for President Obama...". He finished by saying, "Thank you for this boy standing beside me that is 8 years old." Feeding the homeless makes me feel happy and sad at the same time....because feeding homeless people makes me happy and some of their stories are very sad.
On Saturday, we threw the block party. I helped out with 2 things...face painting and the bean bag toss. First, we had to hand out fliers and clean the street. There were a lot of people at the block party. The people seemed to have a very good time. I like the block party because we are doing what God wants us to do...we are going out of our comfort zone and talking to people and inviting them to a party so they can learn about God's love.
I like going to Urban Hope because I like to see how the people react when you tell them stories about God. Sometimes, they ask God to forgive them for their sins.
I hope next year I go to Urban Hope. It is fun.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
His Ways
Quickly after we brought Anna home from Guatemala, I discovered being an adoptive parent is different than being a biological parent. Now, don't get me wrong, in most ways it is exactly the same. You still feed, change diapers, potty train, take to the doctor, worry over, pray for, discipline....and love to pieces.
However, the adopted child has a past (often times unknown), a huge loss, and different genes. So, I began to pray that we would become friends with another adoptive family. Someone that could truly understand our journey. Another adoptive family that would show Anna that families are made in different ways. Then, Brian's sister adopted a little girl from Guatemala...finally, we personally knew someone that had adopted. But, we live two and a half hours away and that means limited contact with them. So, I continued to pray!
I have prayed this same request for over 6 years. Finally, our dear friends decided to adopt. I was so excited...now, we have friends that are adoptive parents. I thought my prayers had been answered! How silly I am...
God's plans are so much bigger! Through adoption classes and several mutual friends...we have met and been in contact with several adoptive families. Tonight, we are having 4 families over for dinner that are in the process of adopting or have already adopted. We will have China, Peru, Guatemala, and the D.R. Congo represented. I stand in awe of God's plans and His ways.
Isaiah 55:9
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
However, the adopted child has a past (often times unknown), a huge loss, and different genes. So, I began to pray that we would become friends with another adoptive family. Someone that could truly understand our journey. Another adoptive family that would show Anna that families are made in different ways. Then, Brian's sister adopted a little girl from Guatemala...finally, we personally knew someone that had adopted. But, we live two and a half hours away and that means limited contact with them. So, I continued to pray!
I have prayed this same request for over 6 years. Finally, our dear friends decided to adopt. I was so excited...now, we have friends that are adoptive parents. I thought my prayers had been answered! How silly I am...
God's plans are so much bigger! Through adoption classes and several mutual friends...we have met and been in contact with several adoptive families. Tonight, we are having 4 families over for dinner that are in the process of adopting or have already adopted. We will have China, Peru, Guatemala, and the D.R. Congo represented. I stand in awe of God's plans and His ways.
Isaiah 55:9
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Friday, April 19, 2013
Special Needs
As a teacher, I have had many opportunities to work with special needs that have ranged from minor to quite severe. Before I had children, I had definite opinions about how the parents should approach these special needs. I had tons of "I never would ______. I always would ______."
Then,
God blessed me with some children with some special needs. My first experience was when we figured out our daughter was allergic to tree nuts. I read the websites, I informed our families of how menu choices would have to change, and I took all nuts out of our home. Then, with the help of a dear friend, I tackled a school system and their need to serve banana nut bread.
This school year, we have also dealt with some issues surrounding our daughter's free, often distracted spirit...and her academic struggles. This has led me to sit on the other side of the table....and listen as they discuss my child like she is a statistic. It has also caused me to explore some options I said "I never would..."
Now, I am blessed again with another special child. The speech therapist says its apraxia. Speech apraxia is defined as...
A severe speech disorder characterized by inability to speak, or a severe struggle to speak clearly. Apraxia of speech occurs when the oral- motor muscles do not or cannot obey commands from the brain, or when the brain cannot reliably send those commands.
I have spoken to several speech therapist and teachers. I have heard the technical definitions. I have listened to the opinions of how successful speech therapy can be, what the future looks like, and success rates with others diagnosed with apraxia.
Yet, somehow, I can't read all the websites or watch the videos of adults who suffer with speech apraxia. There is a part of me that just doesn't want to know what could be. I just want to hold out hope that one day he is just going to start talking and never shut up. I want him to have a normal, speaking future. I want him to grow, participate in a general education classroom, praise Jesus, play sports, go on dates, get married, and have a family. Does that make me crazy? oblivious? Am I sticking my head in the sand?
I am unsure of what I am becoming. However, I do not want you to judge me. I just want you to support me...let me stick my head in the sand as long as I want. When I am ready, I will pull it up.
As for my teaching career...Now, I want to try and understand the parents of my students...no judgements, no overwhelming advice, just try to understand where they are coming from in their process of acceptance.
Then,
God blessed me with some children with some special needs. My first experience was when we figured out our daughter was allergic to tree nuts. I read the websites, I informed our families of how menu choices would have to change, and I took all nuts out of our home. Then, with the help of a dear friend, I tackled a school system and their need to serve banana nut bread.
This school year, we have also dealt with some issues surrounding our daughter's free, often distracted spirit...and her academic struggles. This has led me to sit on the other side of the table....and listen as they discuss my child like she is a statistic. It has also caused me to explore some options I said "I never would..."
Now, I am blessed again with another special child. The speech therapist says its apraxia. Speech apraxia is defined as...
A severe speech disorder characterized by inability to speak, or a severe struggle to speak clearly. Apraxia of speech occurs when the oral- motor muscles do not or cannot obey commands from the brain, or when the brain cannot reliably send those commands.
I have spoken to several speech therapist and teachers. I have heard the technical definitions. I have listened to the opinions of how successful speech therapy can be, what the future looks like, and success rates with others diagnosed with apraxia.
Yet, somehow, I can't read all the websites or watch the videos of adults who suffer with speech apraxia. There is a part of me that just doesn't want to know what could be. I just want to hold out hope that one day he is just going to start talking and never shut up. I want him to have a normal, speaking future. I want him to grow, participate in a general education classroom, praise Jesus, play sports, go on dates, get married, and have a family. Does that make me crazy? oblivious? Am I sticking my head in the sand?
I am unsure of what I am becoming. However, I do not want you to judge me. I just want you to support me...let me stick my head in the sand as long as I want. When I am ready, I will pull it up.
As for my teaching career...Now, I want to try and understand the parents of my students...no judgements, no overwhelming advice, just try to understand where they are coming from in their process of acceptance.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
You Want to Do What?!?!?!
I like order! I like everything where it belongs! I like neat! Most times, I think this is a positive character trait...although, with 5 kids, I am beginning to think it is a character flaw. To keep a neat house with 5 kids is a full time job...that never seems done. Sometimes, when I should be playing with my kids, I am cleaning, organizing, straightening, and then re-cleaning.
My husband is quite the opposite. He loves to play! He loves to have company no matter what state the house is in. He will "waste" a whole day puttering around doing nothing on my list...but playing soccer, peek around the corner, and making bead key chains with the kids.
So, this spring, he had a great idea...let's hatch some of the chicken's eggs! Right away, I am thinking...this is not a good idea. What is the point? We don't need more chickens. How much time is this going to take? Couldn't we better spend our time cleaning the garage? Luckily, he often goes on with his frivolous plans. Last Saturday, he came home with an incubator. Somehow, the incubator is now on my kitchen counter. I am confused as to how this happened...this incubator does not fit in with my no clutter on the counter rule....nor does it match my kitchen decor. Despite my wants, we are hatching chicken eggs on my kitchen counter. The kids are so excited. They are counting down the days until they hatch.
Even though, you probably won't find me rotating chicken eggs....or even holding the chicks. I am so glad that God has blessed my kids with such a GREAT dad!
My husband is quite the opposite. He loves to play! He loves to have company no matter what state the house is in. He will "waste" a whole day puttering around doing nothing on my list...but playing soccer, peek around the corner, and making bead key chains with the kids.
So, this spring, he had a great idea...let's hatch some of the chicken's eggs! Right away, I am thinking...this is not a good idea. What is the point? We don't need more chickens. How much time is this going to take? Couldn't we better spend our time cleaning the garage? Luckily, he often goes on with his frivolous plans. Last Saturday, he came home with an incubator. Somehow, the incubator is now on my kitchen counter. I am confused as to how this happened...this incubator does not fit in with my no clutter on the counter rule....nor does it match my kitchen decor. Despite my wants, we are hatching chicken eggs on my kitchen counter. The kids are so excited. They are counting down the days until they hatch.
Even though, you probably won't find me rotating chicken eggs....or even holding the chicks. I am so glad that God has blessed my kids with such a GREAT dad!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Times it Catches You off Guard
Most times, I am just a busy mom of 5 kids. I don't stop and think about the fact that three of my children are adopted...Three of them have a past that does not include me...Three of them have suffered a great loss...That there is a part of their history I know nothing about... Then, there are those times when the reality of it hits me....and it chokes me up.
That happened today, Easter Sunday, as I was making the kids baskets. For each child, I have stamped their hand print on the bottom of their basket and written the date of their first Easter. So, each basket has an adorable, little, chubby, baby hand print!
As I did this with Malachi's and Isaac's baskets, I realized that both of them had missed Easter celebrations with our family. This isn't their first Easter. Malachi's basket was missing the little, adorable, chubby, baby hand print. Then came the internal struggle. Should I write first Easter at home? Should I write first Easter with our family? I ended up going with the same as my other children...first Easter.
One day, I will explain to them that they indeed did spend an Easter or two in the DR Congo. However, March 31, 2013, was our first Easter as a family...our first Easter to make memories and celebrate our risen Saviour!
That happened today, Easter Sunday, as I was making the kids baskets. For each child, I have stamped their hand print on the bottom of their basket and written the date of their first Easter. So, each basket has an adorable, little, chubby, baby hand print!
One day, I will explain to them that they indeed did spend an Easter or two in the DR Congo. However, March 31, 2013, was our first Easter as a family...our first Easter to make memories and celebrate our risen Saviour!
Happy Easter from the Siegrist Family!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)